My own personal Narnia

The best part about having an autoimmune disease is that it builds a level oh humility in you that is unparalleled.

I mean…one day you feel like a million bucks. You have a decent amount of energy; you sleep like it’s your job; your whole body is working in synergy.

The next morning you wake up at 2:30 am and you can’t fall back asleep. Then you get a giant cystic pimple on your face. You have the energy of a 97 year old woman on life support. Don’t get my started on the rebellion of your whole GI tract.

A few years ago, this would have put me into a tailspin of depression. The perfectionist in me would have had her panties in a bunch, mad at herself for being weak, inconsistent.

The new, enlightened me just laughs through the exhaustion and the roll of Scott tissue that is being used at an alarmingly fast rate.

There are things I can do to change my circumstances. And I do them daily. Meditate. Journal. Eat well. Try not to allow stress to consume me.

But…my body is a prick. My body is a prick because when I was younger and healthy I didn’t take care of it. I didn’t appreciate it.

My body is the way it is because there are so many parts of the core of my being that I suppress that I feel like my truest self is on mothballs.

It’s funny. I signed up for a course to learn how to break the internet…how to find my true self, figure out what I have to offer, and to offer it to the world.

I’m doing so, I’ve unlocked closets in myself that I forgot were there.

Do you remember the scene in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe when Lucy discovers Narnia? I feel like I’ve found Narnia.

Aslan is on the move. Shit’s getting really real. Things I’ve desired for a long time are starting to come together. Finally. Suddenly. Spring is coming.

Until next time…be well. Drop me a comment and let me know what’s going on with YOU.

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Posted in "the conversation", commitment, dreams, emotions, empathy, encouragement, entrepreneur, entrepreneurlife, heart work, Introspection, iwasmade4this, mindset | Leave a comment

Does it really have to be hard?

Somehow, from a young age, I was taught that things have to be hard and unattainable.

My dad is a hard-working man. He’s worked well over 40 hours a week since he was 17 doing back breaking work. I honor him…his blood, sweat and tears have fed two generations.

The lessons he taught me enabled me to be successful in the “real” world. Show up early. Work harder than anyone else. Stay later than anyone else.

If I were striving for normal, these would be the indelible rules I’d follow forever.

At my core, I’m a rules and formula person. If you follow the rules, eventually you will achieve some certain level wherein you have a corner office with a level of antimony and jealousy for those higher in the corporate ladder than you are.

The problem with that…is that if, at heart, you’re not a corporate person, that shit will fucking kill you. At first, it presents as anxiety. Then autoimmune diseases. Then a wheelchair ride to the ER.

Enter a summer chasing dreams riddled with self-doubts, again, trying to fucking conform to a formula that makes you want to throat punch the charlatan who created it. And more anxiety. And depression.

You see…I’m really a non-conformist that is held prisoner in a good girl. I strive to make people comfortable. I don’t want to rock the boat…because…what if you don’t like me? What if you think less of me! What if…

What if you found out that I’m not as vanilla as I appear? That I can see through your bullshit, and that everything inside of me wants to save you from your bullshit?

What if you found out that I honestly don’t give a fuck about social norms…that I love Jesus with my whole heart, but that I don’t identify with His people, because I find that most of them aren’t living His truth let alone their own?

I find myself digressing…

You see, I’ve chosen to work with two mindset coaches that are rocking my world in vastly different ways that are achieving the same goal.

They are showing me that it doesn’t have to be fucking hard.

The hardest part of life should be the simplest.

BE WHO YOU ARE. UNABASHEDLY.

When you own who you really are, beneath the shitty masks you wear, then you’ll find that life gets easier.

You’ll find that some people fall by the wayside. You’ll find that some people you thought would be removed from your life are magnetically attracted to you.

And you’ll find that new people arrive in your life that you never saw coming.

What I’m learning is that wearing the mask of people’s expectations is actually harder than being authentic.

As for me, my mask is cracked, the veneer is broken, and I fucking refuse to repair it.

I know that it doesn’t have to be hard. My heart leaps when I hear that. My ego…my inner little girl that keeps rising up to “protect” me…she and I need to have yet another talk.

While I appreciate the protection, my ego’s protection is suffocating me. Killing me not so softly.

If any of this resonates with you…keep reading. Subscribe to the blog. Something amazing is about to transpire. You don’t want to miss out.

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You have ACES, baby!

We are all dealt a hand of cards when we’re born. Genetics. Family. Geography.

But…how you play the hand is up to you.

Last night, I was watching a poker game. Everyone at the table plays a certain character at the table.

The old dude who is extra chatty and drunk.

The aloof guy who pretends not to know what he’s doing.

The guy with the big stack of chips.

They all have one goal in common…to win more chips than they lose. To win more hands than they lose.

You and I can have the same hand and see/play it completely differently.

Want to know a secret? We’ve ALL been dealt a pair of aces.

You see…you have the power to play your pair of aces like they’re a pair of aces…of you can play them like they’re a pair of fives. No one at the table knows the difference…it’s all about your energy and how you approach the situation.

I can hear your doubts.

I don’t know your life.

I don’t know your circumstances.

I don’t know what you’ve been through.

You’re right. I don’t.

But what I DO know is that YOU have a superpower inside of you. You were born with it.

THAT IS YOUR PAIR OF ACES.

What is something that you love to do…even if you don’t get paid to do it?

What is that you love to do that other hate to do?

What is something that is so fucking easy for you that it is just a part of you?

Tap into THAT shit.

That there is your pair of aces.

If you want help finding your superpower…keep following along. This ride is going to get exciting.

Posted in dreams, encouragement, entrepreneur, entrepreneurlife, inspiration, iwasmade4this, real life, soul mate work | Leave a comment

I see you

Hi. I see you. 👀

You. Walking down the street, looking like you have it all. Coifed hair. Nice shoes. Perfect makeup.

Good job. Good relationship. Nice car. Pretty house. 2.5 kids, dog, picket fence.

Glazed over eyes, just going through the motions. Numb. Numbing yourself with Facebook, instagram, candy crush.

I see you. You think you’re invisible, but you’re not.

I know you. I was you…and at times I blend with you like a chameleon.

There’s a vibration that you feel…like there’s something more…

But you almost feel guilty.

You have the life that others want.

Yet…the longing…it wakes you up in the middle of the night.

The longing for freedom.

Freedom from the key fob to get into the building.

Freedom from the cubicle, the fake smiles, the absolute vanilla life you lead.

Yet…you’re comfortably numb. You go through the motions. You know the motions.

Sometimes 8.5 hours pass, and you don’t even realize that they’ve passed. You’re on autopilot.

You can’t even say you’re excited about the weekend, because it’s more of the same.

Who’s dream are you living? Yours? Theirs?

Look, I get it. I’ve been there for 42.5 years. I went to the college that I was expected to attend (and lasted one year.) Then I took the safe job in the bank, worked my way up the ladder, and hated my life. Then I went back to college, got a 4 year degree and a shit ton of loans to end up working in dental offices.

This isn’t me judging. I’ve CHOSEN to play it safe, to live down to people’s expectations because it’s easier, it’s expected.

But

It

Is

Killing

My

Soul

And what’s just as bad…is that it’s silencing my voice. Which means that people are living a vanilla life because I haven’t taken my place in the world.

And that fucking hurts worse than anything.

If any of this resonates with you, if it pisses you off, we need to have a conversation. Stat.

Do not pass Go.

Do not collect $200.

Shoot me a message.

Or don’t. Your choice.

But this train is pulling out of the station. You’re either on it or you’re not.

If you choose to join us, you have to get rid of the vanilla mentality. You have to choose to be a little wild…a little crazy…and perhaps add some chocolate syrup to the mix.

Now I want ice cream.

Anywho…shoot me a message. Leave a comment. Let’s spice things up a bit…figure out what sets our souls on fire.

Posted in "the conversation", call to action, calling, dreams, emotions, empathy, encouragement, entrepreneur, entrepreneurlife, heart work, hope, Introspection, iwasmade4this, mission | Leave a comment

I’m pressed but not crushed

Do you know that song? It’s been racing through my head for two days now…but I digress. At the beginning of the blog. Oy vey.

The ebb and flow of life is really interesting to me. Some days are amazing and some days I’m amazed I remember to breathe.

Right now, I’m in a crucible/pressing season. I’m being pressed on all sides, and the good news is that this time, good stuff is coming out of it.

Seasons of refining aren’t fun…but they are absolutely necessary.

What’s with all of the vague, Deneen? Well…I can’t be specific because I’m not 100% certain where this season is leading.

In the midst of the pressing, all I can see/feel/divine is the pressing. I can see the oil coming out…in things that I’m writing…but this time I don’t have the big picture.

I literally feel like an olive being pressed. I’m sure the olives don’t see it coming…nor do they understand why they’re being crushed…but people certainly get a benefit from the oil.

The only thing of which I’m certain is that there is a tribe of people who will greatly benefit from this season in my life.

Every experience in my life…the good, the bad, the ugly…I have used to help others. I know that I know that this squeezing is going to yield the biggest benefit to my tribe that I’ve ever seen.

If I’m not as communicative as I want to be, know that soon you’re going to be flooded with content, so take a deep breath and get ready.

Until then…be well. Drop me a line to let me know how you’re doing!

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Desert Time

Hey there!

So…I’ve been MIA. A lot has been going on in my world, causing me to neglect my first passion…which is writing.

There are times when I want to shout from the mountaintops what is going on…and times when I’m huddled in my turtle shell, well…just hiding in my shell.

The past few weeks haven’t been easy. I’ve had to make hard decisions, cutting people out of my life. At my core, I want to save the world, but sometimes you have to let people loose to do whatever it is that they do whilst maintaining your own peace.

I’ve been hyper-focused on the j-o-b, allowing it to consume me in a way I promised myself I wouldn’t. I put my vision and goals on mothballs. Again.

I’ve been working out like a fiend to the detriment of my body. I ignored the signs that my body needs more rest than the program allows.

All of these things combined hit me like a ton of bricks last Friday…and I spent most of Saturday in bed. I forced myself out of the woman cave for a short while…to buy snacks that definitely didn’t aid anything but an emotional eating binge.

Yesterday morning I awoke with clarity…seeing all of it for what it is.

Revealing your true self to the world requires you coming to terms with WHY you have been hiding. It requires you letting go of things that are comfortable. It requires courage and tenacity. Sometimes feeling like shit in a comfortable situation seems better than the unknown of soaring on wings of an Eagle…because I know what shitty feels like but I don’t know what true freedom feels like.

How’s that for honesty?

So…I’m back. I’ve thrown off the shackles and am getting back on track. I’ll be washing the shit off and coming back here regularly to inspire both of us.

In the meantime, drop a comment and let me know how you’ve been!

Posted in acceptance, adventure, call to action, calling, challenge, change, commitment, dreams, emotions, entrepreneur, entrepreneurlife, Fear, heart work, Introspection, iwasmade4this, mindset, mission, purpose, raw | Leave a comment

The illusion seems so real

So…I realize that I’ve been radio silent. Again.

It’s amazing how easy it is to let life steal my voice. A few weeks ago I had a major breakthrough only to hit a wall.

So many times I feel like the crazy person in the middle of this illustration…spinning my wheels, exerting a lot of effort, not getting anywhere. Other times I feel like the dude on the upper right, utterly frustrated. The past few weeks I’ve been snoozing on who I am. Why? Because I’m actually the guy on the bottom…on the cusp of everything I desire.

Huh?

I’m learning a new skill. EFT. Emotional Freedom Technique. I’m still such a novice that I’ve only done it once. Months ago. The results were so powerful I got scared an haven’t tried it since.

I know…I sound like a crazy person.

You see…freedom sounds great while you’re in captivity. But…you get comfortable in your discomfort. That’s why long-term prisoners have such a high re-incarceration rate. It’s not because they love the prison life or haven’t made life changes. It’s because prison is all they know…it’s part of their identity.

Where I am emotionally, financially and spiritually is all I know. The thought of the freedom with just a couple more pushes…or taps as the case may be…sounds amazing…but it scares me so much thinking about it makes me nauseous.

This morning, though, as I was meditating, I had a visual come to me. I see a mountain in front of me…which seems and feels daunting. That mountain isn’t made of rock…it’s made of canvas on a flimsy stand. One good push and I’m onto what I deeply desire.

Writing this pokes a hole in the canvas. Tonight…I do the hard work.

Once I get this figured out…that thing I’ve been promising will happen suddenly. Make sure you’re following along for the announcement!

Posted in adventure, call to action, calling, change, commitment, dreams, emotions, empathy, encouragement, entrepreneur, entrepreneurlife, God moment, grace, mindfulness, mindset, ministry, raw, real life | 3 Comments

Thunderbolts and fire

Years ago, there was a woman who spoke something over me. In the ensuing 20 years, I’ve thought of that word sporadically…but it never seemed…possible.

I held lightly onto what she said…but if I told you that it brought me comfort, I’d be lying.

I used a beautiful word spoken over me as a bartering ram, flogging myself whenever I was down because it hadn’t come to pass.

I’d remind myself of every fucking mistake I made.

I’d pour salt in the wounds inflicted upon me by people using me as a punching bag to battle their own demons.

I’d shake my head and judge her…I mean, who says something mike that to someone in a fast food drive thru in Princeton? Weirdo, freak of nature.

Then, Sunday, God brought that word back to my remembrance. Deneen…THAT is your birthright, your calling.

Who, me? You sure, God?

I know it to be the truth…but you see where I am, right?

“he makes his messengers winds, his ministers a flaming fire.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭104:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

That’s great God. David was awesome. Bless his heart.

“And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst.'” Zechariah‬ ‭2:5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I see what You’re doing here, God…but remember the last time I truly believed?

“John answered them all, saying, “I baptize you with water, but he who is mightier than I is coming, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.” Luke‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

This weekend, I reclaimed my voice, my birthright. That *thing* that you’re meant to do has nothing to do with you. Not a damned thing.

It’s not about your bank account. It’s not about your name.

It’s about people. There are people who are dying because you’re too afraid to do that crazy thing that you’ve been thinking about for a long time.

There are people who need what God placed in you. There are people who need to hear it from YOUR lips, your fingertips, your spirit.

If you don’t know where to begin, you’re going to want to work with me. In a few weeks I’m launching an exciting program that will help get you started.

Subscribe to the blog so you don’t miss out!

Posted in adventure, call to action, calling, change, commitment, connections, dreams, empathy, encouragement, entrepreneur, entrepreneurlife, faith, goals/vision/plans, God moment, inspiration, Introspection, iwasmade4this, mindfulness, mindset, ministry, mission, the call | Leave a comment

Stop being selfish

Sunday I attended an event that was amazing. I admit…I went to support a friend and because I’m a fan girl of the trainer that was the headliner.

I knew I’d be inspired by the trainer. Imagine my surprise when I was inspired for nearly the entire day. Imagine my shock when both the corporate speaker and the trainer spoke on mindset.

I went in very closed-minded, cranky, and just feeling anti-social. Thank God I got the fuck out of my own way and heard what was being said.

When I was listening to the speakers, I knew that I have a message to share. You see…their message and my message are similar. They each speak to their tribes, and I speak to mine.

The absolute most powerful moments of the day were just before the end of the group workout. We were supposed to count the bazillion lunges, push ups and burpees…but not many people were.

Suddenly, time stopped, and Chris Downing threw down. He called all of us selfish, and asked, “If you can’t be the voice of encouragement for people in this room by counting, how can you possibly be there for your tribe?” (I’m totally paraphrasing.)

Honestly, I was just trying not to die. But you know what? I was t going to die. I wasn’t thinking about people struggling more than I was. I was thinking only of myself. I was being a selfish prick.

You have a story to tell. You have a unique perspective that a tribe of people needs to hear, to experience. I have a unique point of view for a unique audience.

We need to stop hoarding our voice, hoarding our story. If you don’t share your voice, your story, you are being a selfish prick like I was.

If you’re ready to start using your voice, or you’re scared and think you have nothing to say, we need to work together. Don’t miss my blog…I’m rolling out something exciting soon!

Subscribe! What are you waiting for?

Posted in acceptance, call to action, calling, challenge, dreams, encouragement, entrepreneur, entrepreneurlife, Fear, mindfulness, mindset, ministry | Leave a comment

Live NOW

It’s so easy to live for the weekend, for a vacation, for a birthday dinner.

The challenge we all face is not letting life pass us by whilst waiting for an event.

Take a minute to breathe. Feel the air pass through your nose, into your lungs. Feel your chest and abdomen expand. As you exhale, feel your chest and abdomen contract. Feel the warm air flow out of your mouth.

Have you ever marveled at the fact that you’ve been doing that since you were born?

Put your hand on the left side of your chest. Can you feel your heartbeat? Appreciate it.

Something I’m learning…and struggling with on a daily basis…is to appreciate the things that occur daily; the people with whom I interact; little tasks that are as annoying as fuck…but necessary like washing dishes and cleaning he bathroom.

I truly believe that once you really appreciate where you are, right now, that God is able to unfold for you the things He planned before the dawn of time.

Why would He entrust you with great things when you don’t marvel at the fact that you breathe? That your heart beats? That the sun rises and sets?

Posted in abide, acceptance, call to action, calling, challenge, dreams, empathy, encouragement, entrepreneur, entrepreneurlife, faith, God moment, Introspection, iwasmade4this, mindfulness, mindset | Leave a comment