What makes your heart sing? 

Real talk. I’m 41 years old. By some standards, I’m young. By other standards, I’m old. I’ve been on the search as far as I can remember formsomething, anything that makes my heart sing. 

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a teacher. In high school, I wanted to be a pharmacist. In my 20’s, I wanted to be a missionary. In my 30’s, I didn’t know. I worked in 2 start up companies and a handful of dental offices. Throughout all of these things, I always liked writing, but I never had the confidence to pursue that. 

I’ve learned a few things. I’m not a team player. I work best independently. I’m more productive when I work on my own. I love helping people realize their dreams. Aside from being a pharmacist, everything that I’ve ever dreamed of being included helping people. 

In my 40’s I’ve dabbled in MLM’s. I was a Beachbody coach and a Direct Cellars rep. I learned that I love to workout, though I’ve been on a hiatus since Thanksgivng.  I love wine…and I love working for a company that helps to expand my palate. What my 40’s have shown me is that I want to be an entrepreneur.

As I write this, I’m watching Shark Tank, and I’m in the process of reading four books…three on entrepreneurship and one on forgiveness. (That one is necessary because I’m Italian and a damaged Christian…but that’s a topic for another blog post…lol!) I have finally found that thing that makes my heart sing. 

I shan’t be quitting my day job yet…but now I have something for which I am working. 

Have you found the thing that makes your heart sing? What is is? How are you working toward making it your full time gig? Let’s talk…share ideas…connect. 

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Why Hello There!

Hello there! Long time, no blog, right?

Well, tis the new year…and hopefully a lot of reading material for the few of you who having been sitting on the edge of your seat awaiting me to put my fingers to the keyboard of my laptop.

What’s new? Well, it’s been so long since I’ve written, I don’t know where to start. I don’t even know if I have any followers at this point. If not, we’ll start fresh 🙂

I have a few goals for this year. I refuse to call them resolutions because resolutions generally fall to the wayside faster than you can say January. Here are a few things that I want to accomplish:

  • One round of Core de Force with the 2.0 workouts
  • One round of Core de Force with the deluxe workouts
  • Hammer and Chisel from start to finish
  • Build my wine business to the point that I can take a real vacation and pay everything in cash. (Yup…a wine business. Don’t worry–you’ll learn more about wine than you ever wanted to learn!)
  • Find a church here in Philly so that I can delete “church-phobic” off my about me section.

So, what’s new with you? Are you still there? Talk to me! I promise, I shan’t be a stranger any longer!

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Transformation Tuesday

People love to post pictures for transformation Tuesday. In a few weeks, I’m sure I’ll be amongst them. Today, however, I would like to discuss a mental transformation that has occurred in me. Before I can begin to describe what has changed, I have to tell you my story.

Since I was about 7, I have been “chubby.” I joke that I’ve been overweight since I discovered how to read. I’m an avid reader—but I digress. I wasn’t a completely sedentary child. I did ride my bike, play in the neighborhood with friends. In high school I played tennis and was in marching band.

I discovered also that I love to cook when I was a child. As long as I remember, I’ve been cooking for myself. My father and I bonded over cooking together, and still do to this day. Oh yeah—I also like to eat the food that I cook. A lot. I am a foodie. I enjoy foods from all different cultures. The more flavor food has, the better.

A few years ago, I learned that I have hypothyroidism, Hashimotos disease and adrenal fatigue. What this means, in the simplest terms, is that I have a sluggish thyroid that is being attacked by my immune system. On top of that, because of my personality and continual stress, my adrenal glands are worn out. This trio means weight gain, lack of energy and a bunch of other fun side effects.

To say that I’m fighting an uphill battle with my weight is an understatement.

A few weeks ago, I signed up to be a Beachbody coach. What? I know, right? I was so excited. I got my 21 Day Fix program. I took pictures of the cool containers, the pretty dvds, and the Shakeology. I popped in the first dvd, excited to start my journey. I nearly died. I was exhausted for a few days. I automatically admitted defeat. I’m too sick to work out. I’m too out of shape to workout. Why did I sign up for this stupid program? I hate strawberry shakes….why didn’t they flipping send me the chocolate that I wanted?!?! I told the person who signed me up all of my excuses and got depressed. I’m pretty certain that I’m the only person who has ever had this experience, right?

Part of being a Beachbody coach for me means that I am part of a team. The team on which God placed me is amazing. They are supportive, loving and challenging. I sat back and watch them, interacting a bit here and there because I can’t not interact. Watching them, reading their posts, being a part of the weekly team meetings inspired me. I got to the point that I thought, heck, if they can do it, I can too! In an instant, something clicked in my brain. I had a mental transformation. I went from a depressed, chubby, sick woman to a motivated, excited woman on the road to good health.

Last Monday, 9 days ago to be exact, I popped in that first DVD again, at 4:30 AM. My body was too asleep to know what happened to it. I may have had trouble walking up and down the stairs, but I did it. The next morning, I woke up again at 4:30 AM and did an upper body workout. Same thing that Wednesday. Thursday started my five day staycation. You know what? I pushed play every day and worked out.

I know that I have a long journey ahead of me. I am taking this journey step by step, one day at a time, one minute at a time when I’m working out. In the process, apparently I’m even inspiring people.

If you’ve read this far, talk to me. Tell me something about a transformation in your life. What was the catalyst to that change? If you are interested in joining me on this journey, hit me up!

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Everyday I made made more aware of the fact that my heart has to be cleansed…I need to learn to respond in love. I have to remember that hurting people hurt people. Today my heart aches for so many families that I’ve never met whose lives have been destroyed by hate. My nephew is graduating from high school tonight. How many kids are robbed of that pricelege? Today, I am excited for the class of 2015 but my heart aches for those whose lives were cut short and unable to hear their names announced.

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Lessons in peace

In the depth of who I am you’ll find a caretaker…someone whose deepest desire is to heal hurts and protect those I love from hurts and disappointments. When I am unable to do that, I feel helpless. I know I’m not Jesus. Moments like this make me all the more aware of how He must feel on a daily basis.

Last night, I ran into a situation wherein someone I care about was deeply disappointed. I had no idea how to comfort him, and it caused me to be very restless. However, I know the One who is more than able to be his comfort. As I prayed for his peace, God gave me peace as well.

May today be a day in which we rest in the One who is the author of our peace…and may we bring those around us peace.

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All things new

I’m all nestled into my new apartment. I moved from Bella Vista/Hawthorne to Point Breeze. So far, I have found this neighborhood to be much more friendly and welcoming. Walking down the street, people are eager to engage, share a smile. My new neighborhood certainly fits my personality a lot better than my last. I’m thankful that God led me here because of a bright green kitchen.

For years, I’ve been talking about writing. I love writing. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people through this blog. It is officially time to start putting words to paper. I know I’ve got a story to add to the dialogue that is life. I’m in the beginning stages of freelancing. This week, I’m sitting down, setting goals and making a task list to meet those goals.

I started a page on Facebook. You can check it out here:  https://www.facebook.com/iwasmadeforthis. My page is in the developmental stage, but thus far I’ve enjoyed the interaction.

What’s new in your world? Talk to me!


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Happy 2015 plus 13 days

My New Year’s goal for 2015 was to sit down and write consistently. Here it is January 13 and I’m finally get around to it…lol

So I’ve decided that this blog is going to be changed a bit. The main focus in my life right now is getting healthy. Auto – immune disease, adrenal fatigue, and hypothyroidism have been the focus of my attention and research.

I’m going to share research, what is working, what is not, recipes.

It is also time to get my spiritual life on track. I’ve been so focused on the temporal that I’ve been neglecting the eternal.

Along those lines, I’m also going to share things that God shares with me and scriptures that are inspiring me.

Another of my goals was to exercise more…you know, move the body and burn some calories. I’d Iike to run a 5k this spring and perhaps the Philly half in November.

I’m going to start a Facebook page too…I know a lot of my friends don’t appreciate verbosity, so I’ll share my journey in 140 characters or less…oh wait, that’s Twitter…lol

So, here you have it. I hope that you join me on the bumpy journey that is holistic health in 2015.

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Temporal vs eternal

I’m realizing just how much of my focus has been on the temporal versus the eternal. I’ve been in survival mode. I’m trying to keep afloat physically. My health hasn’t been great and the exhaustion has been overwhelming. I’m trying to keep at least my nose above water financially. Those two situations have taken a toll on my emotions. With all of the doggy paddling I’ve been doing, I’ve all but ignored spiritual things.

Last night as I was attempting to sleep, I had a glimpse of how spiritually barren my life has been. We’re talking desert with no oasis in sight, here.

I’m taking a break from worrying. I’m taking a break from the useless things in my life that add no value. I’m taking time to evaluate and rediscover the dream that used to keep me up at night.

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Hello I’m Hashimotos

A friend sent this to me…and I’ve seen in on multiple Hypothyroid/Hashimotos groups. I thought I’d share it here…
Hi. My name is Hashimoto’s. I’m an invisible autoimmune disease that attacks your thyroid gland causing you to become hypothyroid. I am now velcroed to you for life. If you have hypothyroidism, you probably have me. I am the number one cause of it in the U.S. and many other places around the world. I’m so sneaky–I don’t always show up in your blood work. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and any way I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over. Remember when you and energy ran around together and had fun? I took energy from you, and gave you exhaustion. Try to have fun now. I can take good sleep from you and in its place, give you brain fog and lack of concentration. I can make you want to sleep 24/7, and I can also cause insomnia. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. I can also give you swollen hands and feet, swollen face and eyelids, swollen everything. I can make you feel very anxious with panic attacks or very depressed. I can also cause other mental health problems. You know crazy mood swings? That’s me. Crying for no reason? Angry for no reason? That’s probably me too. I can make your hair fall out, become dry and brittle, cause acne, cause dry skin, the sky is the limit with me. I can make you gain weight and no matter what you eat or how much you exercise, I can keep that weight on you. I can also make you lose weight. I don’t discriminate. Some of my other autoimmune disease friends often join me, giving you even more to deal with. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away from you. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That virus or viruses you had that you never really recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma (I thrive on stress.) You may have a family history of me. Whatever the cause, I’m here to stay. I hear you’re going to see a doctor to try and get rid of me. That makes me laugh. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on the wrong medication for you, pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given anti-anxiety pills and antidepressants. There are so many other ways I can make you sick and miserable, the list is endless – that high cholesterol, gall bladder issue, blood pressure issue, blood sugar issue, heart issue among others? That’s probably me. Can’t get pregnant, or have had a miscarriage? That’s probably me too. Shortness of breath or “air hunger?” Yep, probably me. Liver enzymes elevated? Yep, probably me. Teeth and gum problems? TMJ? Hives? Yep, probably me. I told you the list was endless. You may be given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away. You’ll be told to think positively, you’ll be poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken seriously when you try to explain to the endless number of doctors you’ve seen, just how debilitating I am and how ill and exhausted you really feel. In all probability you will get a referral from these ‘understanding’ (clueless) doctors, to see a psychiatrist. Your family, friends and co-workers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and just how debilitating I can be. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or “Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago”, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. They’ll also say things like, “if you just get up and move, get outside and do things, you’ll feel better.” They won’t understand that I take away the ‘gas’ that powers your body and mind to ENABLE you to do those things. Some will start talking behind your back, they’ll call you a hypochondriac, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially if you are in the middle of a conversation with a “normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next. You’ll be told things like, “Oh, my grandmother had that, and she’s fine on her medication” when you desperately want to explain that I don’t impose myself upon everyone in the exact same way, and just because that grandmother is fine on the medication SHE’S taking, doesn’t mean it will work for you. They will not understand that having this disease impacts your body from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, and that every cell and every body system and organ requires the proper amount and the right kind of of thyroid hormone medication for YOU. Not what works for someone else. The only place you will get the kind of support and understanding in dealing with me is with other people that have me. They are really the only ones who can truly understand. I am Hashimoto’s Disease.
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There is a person trapped within me. She is full of joy. She is funny. She is intelligent. She is full of life, ready to hop the next plane to help save the world. She is well-spoken. The whole world is her stage, her story waiting to be written. She is confident, borderline arrogant because she KNOWS that she can do whatever she sets her sights on.

This person is being held prisoner by an immune system that has decided to attack her body, by a disease that is killing her thyroid daily. She is trapped by constant pain that would put most people out of commission. She is trapped by exhaustion so deep and thorough that many would have to quit their jobs to endure. She is trapped by a brain that struggles to do the most basic of functions. She is trapped by a loss of memory that many times causes her to stutter, literally incapable of language skills.

Many times, I find myself angry, tired, frustrated and scared. You see, in my mind’s eye I will always be the person trapped inside. I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see myself behind the bloated, exhausted,  bleary eyed person who is staring back.

I am fighting this hashimotos thing with everything I have, but there are days that I lose the battle and I have no choice but to wave the white flag of surrender.

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