There are people in the world who are truly zealous for your success. They will feed into your life in a way that is meaningful, as you do into theirs.
Then there are people who act like they want you to be successful because they have something to gain…an ego boost for themselves.
Both people are sent into your life to teach you something…a lesson about life.
If you are someone who falls into the first category, because you genuinely love people and know that the more people you help, ultimately the better the whole world is…you will likely fall prey to someone in the second category.
There’s a choice to be had, a lesson to be learned.
Here’s my advice.
Do not fall into a victim mentality. You had some indication along the way that this person’s energy was off. Red flags were flying on their bike when they rode up…but you had some unmet need that they met. You ultimately chose to be in relationship with this person.
Learn, learn, learn. No matter their plan, this person has knowledge they want to bestow upon you to make themselves feel valuable, to feed into their own ego. Take the knowledge they are giving. Eat the meat and spit out the bones. But for goodness sake, don’t throw out the baby with the bath water. Learning is a lifelong process. Learn the lesson. Absorb the information.
Do not become hardened. This one is a difficult lesson. Probably the most difficult. When you’re hurt by someone you trust, it’s a gut punch. It is natural to recoil, to not allow others in. But…if you learned from the person’s bad behavior, and you are honest with yourself about ignoring signs that trouble was ahead, then you’re in a position of power…and you needn’t be afraid.
Don’t feel bad for the narcissist. People who attempt to victimize others, or who are natural predators have a cunning way of trying to make themselves appear to be a victim. Know that they are choosing their own crazy…they thrive not in order but in chaos. You can’t change that person. You can’t help them enough because enough is never enough.
Forgive yourself…and the other person. Learn the lesson and move on. Not forgiving someone shackles them to you. Not forgiving yourself is like peeling a scab off a wound every day and wondering why you keep bleeding. Love yourself enough to forgive yourself.
You are valuable.
You are enough.
You deserve people to surround you who want what’s best for you.
You are only a victim if you choose to be…no matter what happens to you.
I believe in you.