There’s nowhere to hide.
For years, I was convinced that if I kept it moving, eventually things would be different.
Better.
As if miraculously, all of the baggage I was carrying around would be lost by the airline, and I’d be…happy.
When I realized my baggage was attached to me, I tried to numb the ache.
Alcohol.
Food.
Sex.
Netflix binge watching.
One day I woke up hungover, tired, at my heaviest, feeling physically terrible.
And the baggage was still by my side.
Finally, I started going through the baggage.
Deep hurts.
Insecurities.
False beliefs.
Family stories.
As I unpack the baggage, I don’t feel the compulsion to run anymore.
I know who I am. And I like who I am. I’m finally at a point in my life where I have nothing to hide.
I walk in integrity. I do what’s right by everyone who crossed my path.
I am exactly who I’m meant to be. I embrace my wacky laugh, my personality that goes from silly to intense to cerebral on a dime.
I freely tell people what God shows me about them…because I can’t hold it in any longer.
You see…all of me is what God has for me to give the world. And I’m not ashamed of that.
So, I share my successes, my failures, my insecurities and my sweaty selfies…not because I’m a narcissist but because I have felt alone in those things…and I know that there is someone out there who needs to know she’s not alone.
I make it my mission to build women up. I know what it’s like to want someone by your side, to *see* you, yet hear crickets.
Right now…my life is in a really interesting place. I’ve been on a trust journey for a few years. I see the light at the end of what has been a very tumultuous journey.
I think.
No matter what transpires, I rest in knowing that all will be as it is meant to be.
The purpose of this journey…it’s been for me to unpack the bags.
It’s been for me to go from being a caterpillar, to being trapped in a cocoon, to transforming into a butterfly.
I’ve earned these wings…and I refuse to be ashamed of them.
I am not too much.
I am not too loud.
I am not too smart.
I am not too fucking much of anything.
I am exactly who God meant me to be at this very moment.
You know what? So. Are. You.
If you do nothing else I tell you for the rest of your life…if you only get one takeaway from all of my blogs, please get this.
Stop running from yourself. There’s nowhere to hide. Embrace who you are and be that person.
I love you.
No go and have a great day!
Deneen White 