The trees are budding here in Philadelphia, and we’re expecting our second nor-easter in less than a week. What the heck is going on with the world?

In some ways, I feel like the weather right now is reflective of the journey that I’ve been on for the past few months. Times where I’m really hot–completing tasks, moving forward, knowing that I can do anything that is set in front of me–followed by times where I’m cold–I sit down and write a complete blog only to delete it, questioning everything in my life down to why I exist.

One of my greatest weaknesses is that I try to make decisions for my life based on other people. Growing up, I always wanted to please my parents, my sister. I never wanted to make waves in the family, so I just did whatever was needed to keep the peace. Then, I played that role in jobs. I would work harder than anyone else so that my value was evident. In relationships, I strive to be the person who says good morning, who is encouraging.

The problem with all of that is that you tend to lose yourself in the mix. Recently, I have been heavy on the relationship struggle bus. I made a stand, only to realize that I was all alone. The other person didn’t seem to care, didn’t notice. And it hurt my heart. Deeply.

So, what happened? I let myself go. I punished myself. My self care was nil. Yeah…I went through the motions and encouraged others to take care of themselves while in the background I was eating like crap, not getting enough sleep. I wasn’t meditating. I wasn’t writing (Ahem…it’s been three weeks since I wrote something here and hit publish!) My house was a wreck. I wasn’t moving my body. I punished myself for someone else’s behavior.

So, here I am, once again, restarting the cold engine. I have tasks written on my white board that have to be accomplished daily.

• Read my bible. I started a 365 read through the Bible plan. I’m on day 9.
• Meditate
• Journal
• Workout–5 min HIIT workout daily, weights three days a week, walking or elliptical 4 days a week for 30-60 minutes.
• Blog daily, even if it’s just a snippet.
• Post on instagram 2-3 times a day.
• Go live on fb or instagram daily
• Meal prep and eating the food I prep. I’m sticking to whole foods, lowish carbs.

Why am I putting this up here for you to see? Well, one day, someone is going to want to know how I got my shit together…and here’s the plan. I have some pretty lofty goals that I want to accomplish. The only way that I can do that is to not be like Mother Nature over the past few weeks here in Philadelphia.

Can you relate to any of this? If you can, drop me a line…for moral support…to let me know that you’ve read…or so that we can work together on your goals!