Ambiguity

I’m in an ambigous place right now.  

I love my life.  My job(s) are going really well.  I’ve adjusted to the dental industry–specifically in a dental office–fairly well.  Sometimes it still doesn’t feel like a real job.  I love the consultation part of my life.  Planning, executing and seeing the end results are very satisfying to my personality.  I’m comfortable in my own skin now that I know what I’m doing and that I’ve been given the feet to do what I’m doing.

I’m making new friends.  Last night we had a happy hour for Ruminations…it started off…slowly…but ended up to be a fun event.  Then we celebrated a friend’s birthday.  I’m discovering a part of me that I didn’t remember existed.  I can be quite social.  I still prefer to be social in a more intimate setting, but I am getting better at small talk and mingling.  

There is one missing piece to this whole thing that is frustrating.  I know that it’s not the right time right now.  I know that.  But this season of singleness is getting old.  I love the independence of being single.  I’m flying to St. Louis next Friday for the weekend.  I didn’t have to coordinate schedules or ask permission.  But…I would still like to have a person dedicated to sleeping beside me.  I’m not romanticizing anything.  I know that there will be dirty underwear to pick up off the floor.  I know that there will be dishes and garbage and interpersonal conflict.  I’m not under the delusion of the knight in white shining armour any longer.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be held at night.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest…