Hello. My name is Deneen and I have two secret addictions. One of my addictions is tanning. Anyone who knows my pasty self will laugh at this addiction. Loudly. But alas, there is something soothing about the seven minutes of solitude. Yeah…I know…skin cancer…but I can’t seem to help myself.
My other addiction is chick lit. Not like Harlequin romance/steamy sex novel chick lit. Novels that tell the story of a “real” woman dealing with “real” issues. The book I am reading currently is set in Philadelphia in the neighborhoods I frequent, in the neighborhoods in which I am looking for apartments. One of the main characters is a woman who got pregnant by the wrong guy and eventually meets/marries the wonderful guy. (I know…ewwwww….stick with me here.) At one point, the woman has this “aha” moment wherein she realizes that she is afraid to marry this wonderful man that loves her because she does not feel like she is worthy of him.
My friends and I have talked for years about waiting for the right guy; that we are not ordinary women and that we shouldn’t settle for ordinary men. I’ve watched some of my friends hold on, waiting for the right guy. I’ve watched others date a variety of guys. I’ve sat on the sidelines. I was hurt a while back, and I’ve not jumped back into the game. Mostly because when I meet a guy that I really like, who is a really good guy, I get scared and retreat into my shell. The lyrics to “This is my Now” say, “There was a time I packed my dreams away/Living in a shell, hiding from myself. ” This has been me. I’ve been hiding from myself, from my dreams, daresay I my desires.
I received a comment yesterday from a blogging friend exhorting me to examine my life. There are some areas that I’ve let remain stagnant too long…out of fear. So, I am challenging myself to do some of those things I fear. And to lose the shell that I’ve allowed to encase myself.
Where to start…where to start…