Yesterday, I wrote about how I had a panic attack–or what felt like one–yesterday at my friend’s bridal shower. I was questioning my decision in attending the church I’ve chosen to attend. This morning, something occured to me. It is a no-brainer, really…but something to which I’ve not been attuned for a while.
I am in the midst of a spiritual battle. Obviously, there is a reaon, something that does not want me to go to the River. I was there for six years and saw some of the biggest growth of my life. Of course there will be forces that don’t want me to be at that place.
Right now, I’m not looking to take over the world of the church. I’m not looking to be everyone’s best friend. I am looking for a place where I can worship God unabashedly. I am looking for a pastor who can challenge me to grow closer to Christ than I am currently. I’m not going to blindly commit to anything. I will do what I can do, and what I can’t do, I can’t do. No guilt. No fear. Just security in who I am and in Whose I am.
I’m going to address some allegations as well. The fact of the matter is that what is being taught is pretty sound theologically. No matter what church you attend, you have to do some work at home. A relationship with Christ isn’t one a week. That is barely being an acquaintance with Christ. A relationship is something that you walk out daily…praying, reading your Bible, worshipping, interacting with Christ. If you depend on “getting fed” at church, you’re going to starve to death. Just like you need more than one meal per week, you need more than one interaction with Christ per week. I am NOT casting stones. Believe me. I have been guilty of wanting someone to spoon feed me. And do you know what happened? Burnout. Spiritual atrophy. Disillusionment. Nothing goood.
So, here I stand on the other side of the spiritual desert. I’m stronger than I was when I left. My time at the Sanctuary was valuable…I learned a whole lot while I was there. It’s just time for something different. I have to finish some stuff that I left unfinished. There are some things that have to be worked out in my life that can only be worked out where they were all twisted up.
Enough introspection for one blog. Tomorrow I will surely be looking inside to see what I would like to accomplish in ’08. I have a few ideas, but I’ll put it all together for the first of the year.
Deneen White 