When something comes up over and over, you have a choice. You can ignore it or you can investigate it. In light of becoming more self-aware, mindful and such things, I decided to embrace it.

Right after I graduated from Temple in 2005, I went through a very dark period. I broke up with my church. I moved to New England and was in a job with a boss that was worse than Miranda in The Devil Wears Prada.


The best part about that job was that I worked on block from the Boston Common. When I had a bad day, and I had lots of them, on my lunch break I would grab a coffee from the Starbucks at the corner and walk through the Common.

boston common

At that time, I was shattered and disillusioned. I had what I call a nervous breakdown after I left the church and graduated. I didn’t know which way was up, and I didn’t know how to put the pieces of my life back together again.

There was a song that was popular back then by Natasha Bedingfield, Unwritten.

I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined
I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way
Lately, I’ve found myself in a similar place. There are so many things that I want to do, that I think I should be doing. I thought by this juncture in my life, things would look completely different. Disillusioned and disappointed are two words that could describe where I am at the moment.
Or, I can change the narrative. I can control the voices in my head. No, my life isn’t full of 2.5 kids, a husband and a cute house with a white picket fence. But, you know what? I’m only 42 years old. I have a good 40-50 years ahead of me. The end is still unwritten.
If you’re reading this, the pen is still in your hand. You end isn’t written. Dance in the rain. Feel the sun on your skin. You are ALIVE!!!! There is a world of possibilities out there, just waiting for you to tap into them.  What are you going to do about it?!?!

4 thoughts on “Unwritten

  1. Well written. I think you’ve been reading my mail!

    I do disagree on one point: for a Believer in Christ, the end IS written – and a wonderful end it is!

  2. Thank you for sharing your faith in God and optimism for the future. It’s contagious and buoyed me today! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: