The past few days have been tough. I’m trying like heck to be stong, to think positively, to do all of the things that I am supposed to do. I am going to work, giving everything I can.
There is a part of me that just wants to feel alive. I don’t know how to explain it. I know that I am alive…but at the same time I feel like I am just going through the motions of life without really living.
Right now, I want someone to hold me when I am feeling sad. Or alone. Or numb.
What scares me is that we’ve not even entered the thick of the battle with my mom. She was diagnosed on Friday…less than a week ago. She meets with the surgeon and oncologist tomorrow. If I am this vulnerable this early in the game, how will I be when I am wiping sweat off my mother’s bald head during chemo?
When I started my blog, I wanted it to be an inspirational place for people to come and be inspired. I wanted to share my zany thoughts on life and hopefully make a few people laugh. I never saw this coming.
I know that I’m not alone. There are tons of people who are also dealing with a loved one who has a disease. I guess my goal here is to write through my emotions…hopefully allow others to express what they are going through and have some sort of healthy dialogue.
I leave you with Isaiah 43:18-19.
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
Deneen White 
Deneen – When I woke up this morning the thought was ‘how does salt lose it’s flavor?’ So I turned my laptop to to start the search. One of the first articles was yours. Well – as per usual I have to check out the author of the writing and then I read your story.
I am a twenty year breast cancer survivor. I had a 15 year old, a nine year old and a six year old. They each have their own perspective of the ordeal. THey came out of it stronger and wiser as did I. Your writing on the subject just reinforced that for me.
We are all still alive and dealing with all of the same trials and tribulations that mankind is dealing with. The cancer was a stepping stone. I could have chosen to die because in the final analysis – the one who actually has the cancer – in the deepest recesses of their mind – my mind in 1990 – was “do I want to live and what do I have to live for” The reason I chose to live was because I had three precious children. God says – Choose life! I wanted to honor God by making the right choice.