The past few days have been tough.  I’m trying like heck to be stong, to think positively, to do all of the things that I am supposed to do.  I am going to work, giving everything I can.

There is a part of me that just wants to feel alive.  I don’t know how to explain it.  I know that I am alive…but at the same time I feel like I am just going through the motions of life without really living.

Right now, I want someone to hold me when I am feeling sad.  Or alone.  Or numb.

What scares me is that we’ve not even entered the thick of the battle with my mom.  She was diagnosed on Friday…less than a week ago.  She meets with the surgeon and oncologist tomorrow.  If I am this vulnerable this early in the game, how will I be when I am wiping sweat off my mother’s bald head during chemo?

When I started my blog, I wanted it to be an inspirational place for people to come and be inspired.  I wanted to share my zany thoughts on life and hopefully make a few people laugh.  I never saw this coming.

I know that I’m not alone.  There are tons of people who are also dealing with a loved one who has a disease.  I guess my goal here is to write through my emotions…hopefully allow others to express what they are going through and have some sort of healthy dialogue.

I leave you with Isaiah 43:18-19.

¹⁸ “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.