Vulnerable

I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I don’t have a poker face.  But…I also don’t do vulnerability well.

Last night I sent an SOS to my female, life-long, heart-to-heart friends.  It was difficult.  One of my friends called me immediately.  I was on the phone until 1:11 AM.  I am exhausted, but it was the most valuable time I’ve spent in a long time.

It’s amazing how just hearing my friends’ voices and reading their texts reminded me of who I really am.

I am not an insecure crazy person.  I am a secure woman who knows who she is through and through.  I am not a desperate woman who is willing to settle for any guy who is willing to take her home for the night.  I am a woman who is willing to wait–and do the work in the interim–for the right man to recognize her as his wife.

I am not a person who takes and takes and takes.  I am a person who has sewn good seed into the lives of many people.  It may be my season of reaping rather than sowing, but that doesn’t make me less of a person, it makes me a human.

My life was bought at a high price.  I have been given a LOT in my life.  To whom much is given, much is required.  That means that I am held to a higher standard than other people.  This higher standard doesnt make me better or more important than others; it is actually with a deep sense of responsibility that I make that statement.  One day I will have to account for what I’ve done with what I’ve been given.

God has blessed me beyond comprehension.  I see that.  I know that.  I do not take that for granted.

God has placed someone in my daily life who believes in me and invests in me, even when I am pretending to be the crazy, insane lunatic who takes things overly personal.  God has placed women in my life who hold up my arms when I cannot and whose arms I hold up when they cannot.

The best part of my emotional breakdown yesterday is that I know I’m not crazy.  The things that God shows me and has shown me in the past are coming to pass.  It may not be my time or your time yet, but please do not worry.  Fot the time is coming.

Maybe I should be vulnerable more often…

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