Marinating in my juices

I guess I’ve been hiding out.  Again.  That happens when things are marinating in me.  Or when I’m marinating in things.

There’s a lot cooking.

I’m dealing with some of the skeletons in my closet…stuff that should’ve been dealt with a long time ago, but that just keeps rearing its ugly head.  Family stuff, relational stuff, emotional stuff.  It is a bunch of crap that I need to wade through so that I can finally move on.  This will be a lifelong process, but right now I’m in chin deep.

I’m dealing with my present.  I like a lot of where I am right now…reconnecting with friends that I’ve not communicated with in a long time; growing deeper in relationship with people that I’ve known for a while.  I’m enjoying my job, for the most part.  I love interacting with our patients, and I’m getting to know my co-workers.

My favorite part of my life–work-wise–is the consulting part.  I would love to do that full time and make more than what I make at my 9-5.  Of course, I only have one client who I’m working to death…but I love the semi-entreprenuerial aspect of my life.  I think that I need to take a chunk of time and explore avenues to be entrepreneurial.  If I’m completely honest with myself, I’ve always been that way.  I love ideas, setting things into motion.  I love starting things from scratch, raising up leaders and letting them run with the vision.  I love training people and seeing them grow.  I think that, by nature, I am innovative.  I loathe the status quo.  Good enough is not good enough.  I really believe that good is the enemy of great.  

I am also dealing with my future.  I know that all I have is today, but there is this nagging voice in the back of my mind that asks me if I remember what I’ve been told, what my dreams are, what makes my heart skip a beat.  I know, however, that I am going to be stuck in this pattern of repeatability until I move.  Literally move.  

That brings me to my final point of this rambling blog.  I need to move.  I have looked at a few places, but none of them has screamed my name.  I know it’s borderline insane, but I don’t want to settle.  I want a decent kitchen with a gas stove.  I want to live in a neighborhood in Philadelphia that is safe for a single woman to live alone.  I want to live in Center City.  Oh–I want all of that for $1000 or less.  Adding parking into the mix would be a tremendous bonus.  Since I drive to Central Jersey everyday for work.  Unless the consulting thing takes off.  Then I can work from home.

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