I guess I’ve been hiding out. Again. That happens when things are marinating in me. Or when I’m marinating in things.
There’s a lot cooking.
I’m dealing with some of the skeletons in my closet…stuff that should’ve been dealt with a long time ago, but that just keeps rearing its ugly head. Family stuff, relational stuff, emotional stuff. It is a bunch of crap that I need to wade through so that I can finally move on. This will be a lifelong process, but right now I’m in chin deep.
I’m dealing with my present. I like a lot of where I am right now…reconnecting with friends that I’ve not communicated with in a long time; growing deeper in relationship with people that I’ve known for a while. I’m enjoying my job, for the most part. I love interacting with our patients, and I’m getting to know my co-workers.
My favorite part of my life–work-wise–is the consulting part. I would love to do that full time and make more than what I make at my 9-5. Of course, I only have one client who I’m working to death…but I love the semi-entreprenuerial aspect of my life. I think that I need to take a chunk of time and explore avenues to be entrepreneurial. If I’m completely honest with myself, I’ve always been that way. I love ideas, setting things into motion. I love starting things from scratch, raising up leaders and letting them run with the vision. I love training people and seeing them grow. I think that, by nature, I am innovative. I loathe the status quo. Good enough is not good enough. I really believe that good is the enemy of great.
I am also dealing with my future. I know that all I have is today, but there is this nagging voice in the back of my mind that asks me if I remember what I’ve been told, what my dreams are, what makes my heart skip a beat. I know, however, that I am going to be stuck in this pattern of repeatability until I move. Literally move.
That brings me to my final point of this rambling blog. I need to move. I have looked at a few places, but none of them has screamed my name. I know it’s borderline insane, but I don’t want to settle. I want a decent kitchen with a gas stove. I want to live in a neighborhood in Philadelphia that is safe for a single woman to live alone. I want to live in Center City. Oh–I want all of that for $1000 or less. Adding parking into the mix would be a tremendous bonus. Since I drive to Central Jersey everyday for work. Unless the consulting thing takes off. Then I can work from home.
Deneen White 