I’m not usually a self-centered person. I generally consider others’ needs over my own. I will give and give and give until I have nothing left to give. I’m not usually an ego person either. I am willing to do whatever crazy, mundane tasks need to be done to get a group of people from one place to another.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a subtle transformation of my personality. I find myself looking out for myself more than others. I find my ego wreaking havoc on my emotions. Yesterday I hit bottom.
I had a tough day yesterday. My ego was bruised and aching. My self was exalting itself over everyone. I was emotionally drained to the point of tears. I was at my wits end. I don’t even think I spoke to anyone when I got home. I limped through a few hours and passed out.
This morning as I was driving to work, I realized just how askew my life was. My problems were not the result of other people, but the result of my wrong perspective. I was focusing too much on what I wanted, on protecting my ego, and not enough on the people around me. I am MESSED UP. I know this. If you have a 30 second conversation with me, you’ll know it too. Other people are messed up too. Noone’s perfect. We all have issues.
I went into work with a new attitude. Because I am the queen of the messed up, soI have to accept every person where they are with no expectation that they are going to change. I have to be willing to do whatever it takes, with no credit, to make sure that our office moves forward.
Basically, I have to, once again, kill my ego, put others first, put on my big girl pants and be who God created me to be.
Deneen White 