I’m a mess

I’m not usually a self-centered person.  I generally consider others’ needs over my own.  I will give and give and give until I have nothing left to give.  I’m not usually an ego person either.  I am willing to do whatever crazy, mundane tasks need to be done to get a group of people from one place to another.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a subtle transformation of my personality.  I find myself looking out for myself more than others.  I find my ego wreaking havoc on my emotions.  Yesterday I hit bottom.

I had a tough day yesterday.  My ego was bruised and aching.  My self was exalting itself over everyone.  I was emotionally drained to the point of tears.  I was at my wits end.  I don’t even think I spoke to anyone when I got home.  I limped through a few hours and passed out.

This morning as I was driving to work, I realized just how askew my life was.  My problems were not the result of other people, but the result of my wrong perspective.  I was focusing too much on what I wanted, on protecting my ego, and not enough on the people around me.  I am MESSED UP.  I know this.  If you have a 30 second conversation with me, you’ll know it too.  Other people are messed up too.  Noone’s perfect.  We all have issues.  

I went into work with a new attitude. Because  I am the queen of the messed up, soI have to accept every person where they are with no expectation that they are going to change.  I have to be willing to do whatever it takes, with no credit, to make sure that our office moves forward.

Basically, I have to, once again, kill my ego, put others first, put on my big girl pants and be who God created me to be.

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