Today is my birthday. I had a good day…challenging emails, meetings, phone calls, conference calls, Korean food for lunch, Mediterannean food for dinner, great cake,homemade banners by Bella, sweet presents…a really good day.
Last night I went out…the evening turned out a bit differently than I expected, in a good way. Tough questions were posed. I love a challenge, and I love it when my beliefs are challenged by someone who wants to know the answers rather than whose goal is to demean me, calling my ideas stupid and making condescending comparisons.
When I was driving over the bridge, all of a sudden I had a thought…all of a sudden I was overtaken by an irrational fear of dying single. I even made plans to adopt a chocolate lab to be my companion. I know that the fear is irrational, but it seems that every year I celebrate another birthday, the voice in my head mocking me gets a little louder.
I worked on the four letter word vulnerability a bit last night too. It was not conscious…it just happened. I honestly believe that is the way it’s supposed to be. If you have to force being vulnerable, are you being wise with your heart?
Tomorrow I am going to a wedding, in a monsoon, for someone with whom I grew up. Our fathers served in the Navy together. Her father and mother introduced my parents on a blind day. Our fathers served in the National Guard together. When they went away for their two weeks, our families would merge, swimming all day, staying up all night watching movies. Our family is the only group of non-friends who were invited to the wedding. I’ll have a good time.
Deneen White 
I had the same fear and its not my borthday so it must be goung around…
Maybe I should move to California….I have another friend out there who is feeling the same as us.
The irony is that the other day, I was telling her how awesome she is, how blessed some guy will be when he marries her and then, here I find myself 🙂
We’ll make it through and chuckle when we look back on these days.