Shades of grey

Today I went to church.  For the first time since I returned from a dental meeting in Boston.  It’s been a while.  A friend invited me.  Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have gone.  Just being honest. 

This is how it went down.  She saw that I had changed my “status” on myspace.  She commented me that this guy, Mike Murphy, was speaking.  She mentioned it had be a little while since she had seen me.  I agreed to go.

This is a guy who has opened up scripture for mein ways that noone else has.  And he has ticked me offlike noone else has.  But I knew that I was supposed to go.  Probably because of the butterflies that I get in my stomach when I am good-nervous.

I’m not going to get al super-Christian and say that my life was radically transformed by today.  What I will say is that I needed to be there.  I learned today that I am a piece in some puzzle.  Some weird, unfinished puzzle that confounds me. 

Whatn perplexes me more is that I am not part of one puzzle.  I am a part of many interlinking, interlocking puzzles.  I am a bridge for some, a pillar for other. 

The lesson that I am learning is that I don’t know the role that has been scripted for me in the play that is my life, our lives.  All I know is that I have a part, and I need to be the part.  I cannot deny who I am, but I also cannot overplay my part. 

One of my weaknesses is that I don’t want to play multiple parts.  I want one identifiable role.  I want to know where I stand.  I don’t do well in the grey areas of life.  But life is lived in the grey.  Nothing is black and white.  If it is, there is something wrong.  If I cannot function in the grey, I am in trouble.

The fact is that I do not have one role.  I have many roles.  And through all of my roles, I have to be myself.  All things to all people.  Or something lke that.

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