Today is a wonderful day. Everyday, God makes it more apparent to me what an awesome God I serve. Everytime I think I’ve begun to grasp the depth of His love for me, He shows me that I’ve not even scratched the surface.
Today I came the realization that I am living life in the public eye. Yes, I do realize that people are watching my actions. But I guess that I didn’t realize how closely people are watching–my interactions with people, the way I worship, the way I live daily life, the way I react to change, good situations, bad situations.
Today I had lunch with a friend. We are working on building a friendship, and we are being conscious about it. I’ve been burnt by many women, so whenever a frienship with a woman arise, I tread lightly, trying not to expect too much, but secretly hoping that this woman will be different, that this friendship will develop into a lifelong bond. This may sound weird to those who’ve not been burnt. But there it is. I think that if we work at this friendship, that it will be an excellent friendship.
Over the past few years, God has thinned out my group of friends. Perhaps I surrounded myself with the wrong people. Perhaps many of the people I thought were lifelong friends were seasonal friends. Perhaps I’ve mistaken acquaintances for friends.
Yesterday, my heart got pierced pretty deeply. I spoke with a woman with whom I’ve been friends for nearly a decade. We’ve walked through the best of times and the worst of times. She knows stuff about me that noone else knows. She has been my greatest champion, and my greatest reality check. I spoke with her yesterday, but she wasn’t calling me. So speaking with me was a surprise. When I was excited to hear her voice and talk to her and identified myself, I heard walls and ice and a coldness that I’ve never experienced from her. I heard a deep hurt, and even now as I write this, tears sting my dry eyes. I’ve called her. I’ve written her a letter. But God told me last night that I have to let go. And she is not one of those people that you want to let go. She is the one that you always want to fight for, despite yourself.
Actually, now that I look at it, God’s hand is in all of it. The last time she and I got together and went out to lunch, we went to the same restaurant that my new friend and I went today. God promises in His word that He will restore what the locusts have stolen. Locusts have stolen one friendship, and God is giving me a new friend. Not in her place. Noone can ever replace another person. God is building a new thing.
But that does not mean that my heart does not ache for my friend, for our friendship. All I can do is pray for her and believe that she is in the palm of God’s hand. If God restores our friendship, great. If not, then I have to trust that God is sovereign and He knows the reason why.
But that does not mean that my heart will not ache.
Deneen White 