When I was a small girl, my mom first took me to church. I remember going to a small church in Gloucester City, NJ, and wanting…more. I begged my mom to let me go upstairs with her to adult church. When I went home, I would read my Bible, just soaking it all in.
As a small child, sitting on my green wool area rug in my bedroom, I spent hours reading, gathering up the promises of God. All my little seven year old heart wanted was to travel the world, sharing the promises that I was learning.
As I grew up, we left church. I went to public schools. I was taught that, no, I was not created by a Divine Creator, but I had evolved from an ape. I learned that all of the God stuff was hogwash. No wonder the world is going to hell in a hand basket…instead of reassuring our children, we’re putting them on the same level as what is seen on Animal Planet. But I digress.
My early 20’s brought me back into the hands of my Creator. Once again, my heart was awakened to the promises of God, to what He has in store for me, what He wants me to do with Him. During this period, God showed me many things about myself and my life.
Last year, I settled into a “relationship” (and I use that term VERY loosely) with a man. And I settled. I was in a very low state emotionally–sick mom, bad situation at work, in need of attention. That ended poorly, to say the least. My heart, which never should have been opened up to someone with so many warning signs, ended up wounded.
So, this year I’ve been back to my guarded self relationship-wise. I have taken some flack for it, and I’ve had people try to convince me to allow them closer. Here’s the deal. I’m holding onto the promise that God gave me for my husband. He has to challenge me spiritually, intellectually, physically, emotionally. He has to be a mighty man of God. He has to be willing to follow the call of God wherever it leads us. He has to be willing to give of his life to God. He has to honor me as I honor him. More than anything, he has to love God more than himself, more than me, more than his family. I have been waiting 35 years to meet this man. The longer I wait, the less likely I am to settle.
I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than settle for less than what I want.
You see, I’m holding onto the promise of God.
Deneen White 