There is a recurring theme in my life. It’s been going on since I was a child. It’s called false responsibility. I take responsibility for those things in my life that are wrong…even when there was nothing I could do to change those things….even when I was wronged. I always look deeply and find a reason I deserved that wrong, had that wrong coming to me…you get the idea.
I also take responsibility for other people. For their happiness. For things that have gone wrong in their lives. I want to protect people. I want people to learn from my mistakes. I don’t want people to hurt. I don’t want people to suffer. I want to take on their suffering so that they don’t have to.
If I’m honest with myself, this is a messiah complex. I trust myself more than God. Instead of trusting that God has the best interest of those I love in His mind, I try to beat Him to the protecting game.
I’m failing miserably. I couldn’t protect my mom from cancer, and I couldn’t stop the effects of chemo. I can’t protect my niece and nephews from crazy people at school. I can’t protect my friends from relationships they willing walk into.
I’m not Jesus. I’m not the Messiah. I’m more like the little kid who loves her kitten so much that she holds it so tight that it gets smothered and dies.
I’ve done that to one of my most prized relationships. Will I’m sorry suffice?
Lord, please forgive me for attempting, though I am nothing but filthy rags, to be the messiah for those I love. Lord, only Your blood shed on Calvary can forgive me of the sin of false responsibility. Lord, I give everyone I love to you…I will call them out in our secret place…I pray God that You would have Your way in their lives, and in my life. Lord, I relinquish control to You. You are the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I trust in You alone oh Lord.