Messy

I’m messy. I say things that I’m not supposed to say at inappropriate times. I make people laugh uncomfortably. I have a good heart. I truly want the best for those I care about, and for those who are oppressed and treated unfairly.

I have a short fuse and a long memory. My gut rarely fails me, unless I ignore it.  It takes a lot for me to truly dislike you, but once I do, it’s forever. I’m slow to give you my trust and quick to take it away. Again, once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.

I will fight to the death for my family, my friends. When I’m silent toward you, that’s when you know you’re in trouble.

People trust my judgment and seek my approval. I see things that other people don’t yet see. Many times people think I’m negative because they cannot yet see what I’m talking about. Generally, people find out that I’m not just negative or crazy. I am intuitive.

I love God. I want to honor Him, but most of the time I fear that I make Him shake His head. I want to be a part of a body of believers who love God more than they love doctrine and making themselves look good.

Tonight I am reclaiming my voice. I’ve been silent for too long. God’s been doing a lot in my life, and it’s time that I start sharing again.

Much of what I have to say will inevitably tick people off. Church people. Non-church people. Friends. Non-friends. Living a censored life has been killing my spirit. I was not born to be silent. God gave me a voice. God gave me a distinct point of view. God gave me a perspective that He hasn’t given anyone else. For me to be silent is for me to not use the gift that God has given me. I’d rather honor God than honor man.

It’s gonna get messy here, I can guarantee you only that. Buckle up your chinstrap. It’s gonna be an interesting ride.