If only…

I wish I could go back in time about 10 years with all of the knowledge that I have now. Heck, I wish I could go back about a year and a half. There are so many things that I would do differently.

But, I can’t. I can’t even go back one minute to change anything. So, instead of changing the past, I have to change my current behaviour.

I speak my mind. I have no filter. I’m working on developing the filter.

I follow my heart, and it is very fragile. I’ve been hurt, and now I’m afraid to allow my heart to feel again. But I have to take the plunge or I’ll be a crazy cat lady that wears a mumu.

I love my friends and family and want them to learn from my mistakes. I take personal responsibility for their happiness and well-being. But, I’m not God. I can’t do that. I can pray for them, I can take responsibility for myself, but I have to leave others to themselves.

I am fiercely independent. I’d rather suffer than tell anyone I need help. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. But…I need people in my life. I need help. A lot. I need to learn to ask for help. It makes me sick to write that…lol

So, since I can’t go back in time, I recognize my flaws, and I will work on them. I am a work in progress…so bear with me as I figure this stuff out.

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