I always considered myself an empathetic person…I thought that I understood people’s experiences and circumstances even though I had never walked a mile in those shoes. Boy was I wrong.
I’ve talked to people who had relatives who have cancer. I really thought that I understood since I had two grandparents who had cancer and died. There is something different when it is your mother who is battling the cancer. I loved my nanny and pop-pop, but that was nothing like watching my mother struggle. The emotional turmoil is enough to bring me to my knees on a daily basis. Now she’s talking about quitting treatment when we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. At her last treatment, someone getting chemo died at the end of the hallway. Now she’s scared on top of the fear that she had before.
Going through this battle–and another battle that is much more personal–I think I am beginning to understand why Jesus had to come to earth as flesh. I know that He’s God. I know that He’s omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient…but in order for Him to fully understand what it is to be human, He had to be human. For me to understand what it really means to be the child of a cancer patient, I had to become the child of a cancer patient.
It’s funny. I remember a time when I would welcome these challenges because I knew that God was going to teach me something. Lately, I’ve been feeling like a victim as the challenges have been thrown my way…God, what have I done to deserve this? This weekend, God has shown me how much my capacity to love is growing through these struggles. Instead of writing off my mom or other loved ones, I find myself loving them more even though, logically, I should be running away.
I always thought that I had a pretty deep faith. I was wrong. I know I’m certainly in the running to be named in the Hall of Faith but I also know that my faith has grown exponentially over the past few weeks.
Lord, thank you for the struggles that I’ve been experiencing. While I would prefer my life to be a long season of walking through fields of daisies singing happy songs, I know that this season of pressure is growing me in faith, in integrity, more in your image. I pray that the people who read this blog would see their struggles as opportunities for growth rather than punishment. I pray that you bring people to this blog who need to read it. I pray, Lord, that you bless the eyes who read this. May your annointing flow from my words. In Jesus name, AMEN.