The other day, I pulled into my normal parking spot at work. I park near a field, and in the field, there was a family of deer on the woods line. There is something about deer that is just calming. Seeing the deer brought Psalm 42:1 to my mind: As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, oh God.
I am a very conflicted person some days. Ok–most days 🙂 I take things personally that I shouldn’t. I get upset with people…sometimes I can’t even tell you why.
The root of all of this is where I find my identity. There are Marthas and there are Marys. (See Luke 10:38-42 as a reference) There are those that find their identity in the doing of things–work, friends, home. There are others that find their identity in who they are…who God said that they are.
I am a Martha. I work, work, work and get myself all worked up about work. I obsess about things that are not worth energy or time. I put expectations on people that they can never meet–because they are unvoiced or they are impossible. I have higher expectations of myself if that is possible.
I want to be a Mary. I want to rest in who God says that I am. I want to really find my identity in Christ. It’s much more than a want. It’s a need. I need to get this area of my life under control.
I also need to learn to count to 10 before I speak. Maybe 20 or 30. Or perhaps I should learn that silence is golden.
