I have spent so much time of my life imagining what it would like to be in a relationship. What would it be like to have someone to hold me when I need holding? What would it be like to have someone to talk to when I need to talk? What would it be like to have someone in my life to take care of? I could go on and on and on.
The other day, I posted something on a website that got a lot of attention. I mentioned that I have a sickness. I want to be pursued by a guy, but when I am, I get scared. Apparently there are a lot of people with the same sickness.
I’m learning a lot about myself right now. None of this stuff is really news to me. I don’t know if I am becoming more self aware of just admitting to myself what I’ve always known. Or what I’ve known for a while.
I do want to be in a relationship. But, I want to be in an equal relationship.
I want to be in a relationship with someone who will love me like I love him. I want to be in a relationship with someone with whom I am complimentary. I have a lot of strengths. And I have a lot of weaknesses. My future husband has a lot of strengths. And he has a lot of weaknesses. I want to meet the person who is complimented by my strengths…meaning I make him a better person in some way because of my strengths. And I want to be complimented by his strengths. I want him to make me a better person because of his strengths.
I want us to be friends. I want us to actually *like* spending time together. But I also want us to be secure enough to spend time apart. If I have to travel for work, I don’t want him sitting at home pissed that I’m away. If he has to travel, I want him to go and not worry about me being jealous or bored. If he needs a guy night–or weekend–I want him to be a dude and spend dude time. If I need a girl night–or weekend–I want to be allowed to go.
I know that I sound altruistic. I know that I sound like I have high expectations.
But you know what? I’ve been waiting. I’ve been waiting a LONG time for this man to walk up to me, to take my hand and to be with me. I’d rather wait for what I want, for what I deserve–and potentially not find it–than settle and wind up in a marriage like I see all around me.
There. I said it out loud. Remind me when I’m weak.
2 thoughts on “Relationships/marriage”
this maybe the best post you have ever written. You have hit this whole concept of being married on the head. And you DON’T need to settle for just anyone because our culture says that you MUST be married or something is wrong with you. I applaud you for the way you live.
And when you find this guy, I would offer my services as a pastor if you wanted them. 🙂
I can’t imagine anyone I would like to marry me and my future husband than you. You totally made me cry 🙂 In a good way, of course.
Thank you, friend, for your constant support. It is invaluable to me.