Purity

Throughout high school, people had a certain perception of me.

I didn’t date until my senior year.

One of the fellows I dated was my friend, but a friend of ours convinced him that we should date. He tried to kiss me after homecoming and I…well…ducked my head and ran into the house, leaving him standing on my front step, speechless. That was, by far, my shining moment. Poor, poor guy.

Because I didn’t date as much as my peers, people conceived the idea that I was…well…very pure. I was. That perception has followed me to this day.

That is a very difficult badge to wear.

You see, the fact of the matter is that there are mornings when I wake up alone and wonder, “Why? Why me Lord? Why is it taking so long?” My friends joke about why I’m single. We have a theory. The man who is man enough to marry me must be out wrestling lions and single-handedly fighting off tribes of cannibals. Poor guy. That will seem like nothing once he’s married to me! 🙂

It is not easy being sexually pure in this society. In case you live under a rock, sex is used as a marketing tool to sell anything and everything under the sun…cars, diapers, feminine products.

I decided when I was a young child that I wanted to wait until marriage to sleep with a man. I remember sitting on my wool, green carpet dedicating myself, body, mind and spirit to God. I remember promising God that I would wait to be married before I gave my body to anyone.

I remember crying the first time I broke that promise. I remember feeling my spirit die bit by bit everytime I broke that promise.

But, I also remember the moment that I decided enough is enough. I remember giving myself, body, mind and spirit to God once more. I remember Him washing me white as snow of the sins that I had commited. I remember how free I felt when I finally confessed to the One I love, and I choose not to abandon that freedom for a few minutes of gratification.

Chewing on this subject now, I realize that people see me as God sees me. I’ve taken offense to this so often. From this point forward, I will smile and look toward heaven whenever someone makes a comment.

As a brief addendum…please note that being alone does not equate to loneliness. I may not be married at the moment, but I am not lonely. I am enjoying this season on aloneness. I am learning that the holes in my life cannot be filled by people. They must be filled by the One who has called me into the season of aloneness.

And let me tell you…He is more than enough.

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This entry was posted in raw, real life, singleness, Who am I?, women's issues. Bookmark the permalink.

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