Whispers

I’ve always wanted God to speak to me in a loud, audible voice. Then I realize that if He did, I’d probably soil myself.

Last night I had insomnia. It’s always fantastic not to sleep on Sunday night. This is a constant struggle for me for a variety of health reasons. Anyway…generally I can medicate and solve my sleep disorder but last night I was unable and frankly unwilling. I tried deep breathing. I tried visualization. I tried everything I knew how. Then finally (DUH) I started praying.

I’d love to say I prayed and BAM! I was sleeping like a baby, but I’d be a liar. I spent the balance of the night tossing and turning. Something more spectacular happened, though. God heard the prayers of a wounded, exhausted, jaded woman. God reminded me of who I am but exceedingly more importantly, He reminded me of who HE IS. HE IS I AM.

I live my life in a very guarded fashion. The walls I’ve around my heart make the Great Wall of China look like child’s play. Today I dropped at least a section of the wall and admitted my vulnerability. Today I recognized that my attitude dictates the tone around me. Today I realized that the earth does not spin around the axis called Deneen. Today I remembered that I am not my own. I was bought at a high price…the life of my Saviour. The One who knew no sin took my sin upon His shoulders…and he would’ve done that if I were the only person on earth, just as raggedy and dirty as I am right now. 

Today as I was walking to catch my train, I heard God speak. It wasn’t a loud, booming voice.  It was a whisper…the most beautiful whisper I’ve heard in a long time.