The irony of commitment is that it is deeply liberating-in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.
The quote above was on my Starbucks cup today, one of “The Way I See It” quotes. Usually I look at those quotes and get mildly inspired. Today I read my quote and I was taken aback.
I had my heart broken…smashed into a million little pieces once. Since then, I’ve only let people get within an arms length of my heart. I’ve head a bunch of reasons why to keep my heart “guarded.” Since my heartbreak, I didn’t want to commit to anything or anyone. This can be seen in my work history. In the past, I’ve always kept my eyes open, looking for something better.
It’s been evident in my “love life” as well. It’s been nonexistent. A huge part of it has been my insecurities. I don’t feel good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, emotionally stable enough, financially stable enough. I hadn’t met someone I liked enough. I hadn’t met someone I was compatable with. I could go on and on.
I’ve known for a long time that I have problems. Reading that quote diagnosed an issue. I’ve had a fear of commitment.
For the first time in a long time, I’m not looking around for a new job. I’m not putting out feelers with every person that I meet. I’m commited to my job(s). I really love what I’m doing.
And, I’m not making a list of reasons that I shouldn’t be in a relationship. My circumstances haven’t changed all that much. But my perspective on them has. I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. We all have issues. I can love a person with issues. And I am capable of receiving love from a person with issues.
That’s where I am right now. Thank you, Starbucks, for the quote.