In the past 24 hours, I’ve had interesting exchanges with people. I guess that I hide my emotions and feelings much better than I thought…or that people take those things with a grain of salt. Either way, I can see something coming on the horizon that will make all of this a funny story to share with the kids one day.
I’ve also realized, for the umpteenth time, that I am still learning how to be a friend. You know…the kind of friend who is around for the long haul. I want to be that friend. Desperately. I have this…thing…that when I think that someone has moved on, I turn off the emotional switch and mentally and emotionally move on. I don’t think that this is normal.
OK–maybe it is normal. But I don’t think that it’s Christ-like. Yes, Jesus had to decide who to heal, who to talk to, who to have in his inner circle. Paul had people he was really close to and he had people that he associated with. I don’t know that he ever just moved forward.
The long of the short of it is that I am really struggling relationally right now. I want to reach out and talk to people, but I don’t want to be a burden. I want, I long for intimacy, but that also scares the crap out of me.
Working out adulthood is much more difficult than anyone could’ve ever explained. Add my attempt to be Christ-like and the whole thing just gets even more confusing.
Shalom blog readers.