Real life…

I love red cup time at Starbucks.  I think that my Chai Latte tastes so much better today in a red cup than it did last week in the white cup. 

I went to church again today.  It was really good.

What I am enjoying, in particular, is that when I leave church, I am challenged.  Not to be a better person, but to be a better depender.  I leave understanding that I can’t do this alone.  I leave knowing that I have to depend, first and foremost, on God.  On His grace.  On His forgiveness.  On His sacrifice.  On His goodness.  On His blood.  What can make us pure as snow?  Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

I remember a few years back, my friend and I were praying.  She would look at me and say, Deneen, I am nothing but dirty rags.  I would look at her and say, Oh no, you’re so wrong.  You are amazing.  She would look lovingly, knowingly at me and just smile.  I never understood why a woman who appeared to me to be a solid rock would say that about herself. 

Today, I can honestly say that I understand what she meant.  There is nothing good in me aside from what God has put in me.  I can’t take credit for my writing ability, my heart for people, my sense of humor, nothing.  All of those things were gifts that God gave to me for the purpose He wants me to serve to the world.

Yesterday I finally finished Tim Keller’s The Reasn for God.  That book destroyed my perception of Christianity forever.  I didn’t realize how dependent I was on myself…how much I tried to do, do, do to find myself approved.  I didn’t think I was.  I thought what I was doing actually mattered.  Yes, people’s lives were impacted, but I wasn’t doing it for the glory of God.  I was doing it for the approval of God.  Completely different hearts.

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