Suddenly is out of control

Suddenly.  By definition, it is obvious that suddenly is supposed to take you by surprise.  Suddenly you find yourself in a situation.  Suddenly you realize that what/who you desire is sitting next to you and has been for a long time.  I could go on and on with the examples here.

I had a suddenly moment today during a conference call.  I was listening, taking notes, nodding my head though noone could see it.  And then I realized that I am going to be traveling.  Much of the month of October is going to be spent going here and there.  That works for me.  I don’t like being stationary.  I have plenty of travel-sized toiletries, or I can get them relatively quickly.

What doesn’t work for me is that I’m not the one planning my trips.  In the past, I’ve been the one who has worked out the logistics…here is your flight info, here is the rental car info, I’ll meet you at baggage claim, you fly out on this day and home on this day.  You get the idea.  But now, I’m being told you have to be in this place at this time; we will do x,y,z.  Our agenda is this.

You see, I’m a bit of a control freak.  In general, I like being somewhat in control of my circumstances…where I’m going, what I’m doing, what I’ll be eating.  I don’t submit, for lack of a better word, well.  I only really trust one other person with my well-being.  Other than that…I like being in the driver’s seat.

So, now that I’m finding myself in suddenly, with certain circumstances out of my control, I find myself in an awkward position.  Awkward because I have to trust that this is suddenly and not a fake.  I guess only time will tell.

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