Suddenly

My friends and I have this thing with the word suddenly.  We talk about all of the hard times that we have had, are having or foresee ourselves experiencing.  We hold onto the hope that one day, suddenly, we will understand what it has all been for…that one day we will wake up and realize that this is what I am supposed to be doing.

I have been utterly miserable for a while now.  I loved what I was doing in my previous job, but the company was utterly insane.  I thought so many times that at least I was learning how NOT to run a company so that, one day, when I was in the position, I would not treat people as I was being treated; I would thoroughly think things through; I could go on and on.

Yesterday, I was interviewing people for a position that we are creating.  I found two really qualified people with whom I think I can work well, people who can come in on a Monday at 8:30 and be fully functional at 8:31.  I found a third person, who, if groomed, could grow really well into the position.  I talked to my boss and he said, “Deneen, we don’t have time to groom someone.  This is a start-up.  We need someone like you who can come in and start doing the job immediately.”  It was at that moment I realized how deeply my previous job affected me.

In my previous life, my company didn’t hire people who had actual experience for jobs.  They wanted to instill the company values into everyone, teach them the “company” way.  They didn’t want anyone who had ideas that could add to the company.  They wanted people who would come in and follow orders.  That is probably why they hired only their countrymen for management positions–because they all had military experience and knew how to follow orders.  The managers that they hired that had experience working with some of the most innovative companies in the world are not doing well in this model.

My mindset had changed.  Suddenly, I find myself back in the real world, a world where experience trumps being brainwashed.

Suddenly, I find myself in a working for a company that are drawing out of me the passion that I have buried so deeply that I forgot they were there.  Suddenly, I find myself on the cusp of living out my dreams.

Suddenly…