Self editing

Work is a huge struggle right now.  I feel trapped.  I feel like I’m suffocating.  I am torn in half. 

I love my job—it’s the “stuff” that is going along with it that I can not take. 

My department is repeatedly receiving emails questioning our diligence and our time management skills.  Our managers are on the road, supposed to be selling our wares, so we are in different locations. 

I understand and appreciate accountability.  I welcome accountability.  But accountability is holding me responsible for my actions—or lack thereof if that is applicable.  It is not accusing me of not working the correct number of hours; it is not making me feel guilty for leaving the office for a few minutes.

There is the question of integrity.  Let your yes be yes and your no be no.  In the business world, if you give someone your word, you should follow through with it.  If you promise someone a certain amount of money, it should be supplied.  If you say that you are going to do something, you should do it.  Unfortunately, in the climate of the world right now, you have to get everything in writing. 

Right now I’m torn in half.  I have this problem—I am very defensive of people I care about.  Like a lioness.  It’s really not something that I can control.  It is actually one of the qualities that I really like about me.  So I find myself protecting those I care about.  I do it without any agenda…just because that it who I am.  One day it may bite me on the butt.  That is a risk that I am willing to take.  At the end of the day, I can look myself in the mirror.  And I can sleep through the night.

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