Today I received my first communication from Peter, the child that I sponsor in Uganda. For some reason, it made me cry. You see, I had a two and a half hour drive today from MD. It is a beautiful day for a drive–a chill in the air, bright blue skies, enough wind to encourage the hawks to spread their wings and soar. I love days like today.
I had a great weekend. Friday night I went out in Annapolis, MD. What a beautiful city. What kind people. What a good time, hanging out with the boys from the DC office and probably the most detail-oriented OA in the history of the world. It is really great to be able to let my hair down and chill for a while. Yesterday the DC office had its first training class. They did really well…I was proud of them. Last night I went out in Baltimore. I so wasn’t the life of the party…so tired from the day’s activities. But…again it was nice to hang out for a while and just be able to relax.
Back to my drive home. I don’t have too much alone time–ie time wherein I am completely alone. I spend a lot of time around people yet completely alone. But I don’t spend much solo time. I put my “this is me” mix on my ipod and motored north. Somehow my iPod did this thing wherein it played my mix in a random order. And somehow, it struck me right where I need to be struck.
I fear that I am losing my identity…again. I feel like I’ve lost my “deneen-ness” if that makes any sense. I saw a glimmer of who I am at heart in one of the guys who works in the DC office. Kind of weird, right? He is enjoying his life, looking for an adventure. He wants to see the world with a backpack and no particular plan. He still has the sparkle of possibility in his eyes, a welcoming smile on his lips. It is my prayer for him that he doesn’t lose these things–to the company for which he works, to friends who have expectations for his life, to his family that wants “the best” for him. I pray that he zealously approaches his life, following his heart where it may lead.
Today, at one point in my drive, there were four hawks with their wings spread, just soaring in the wind. God told me that it is time for me to spread my wings and soar. He said that soaring is much more fun than flapping my wings on the ground. I am not a turkey. I am an eagle. I was meant to soar. My hands and my feet were dedicated to God a LONG time ago.
I find myself at that place again. The place where my complacent heart meets the possibilities that God holds in store for me. Do I keep walking down the road that is slowing killing my spirit, day after day, or do I walk down a less-traveled path, the path where my heart lives?
I never expected to be in this place after a short business trip. I expected to be tired though well-rested and ready to take on my week. Now I look forward to my Saturday in San Antonio…relishing alone time with God, deep in the heart of Texas.
Deneen White 