Un-seated…

Whenever I travel to Boston, I come home and have trouble re-entering into life in NJ.  This surprised me this time because I am beginning to feel settled here for the first time in 32 years. 

Over the past few days in Boston, I got very little sleep.  The one night that I had the opportunity to go to bed early, I was on the phone with a friend until midnight.  Needless to say, when I got home, I was EXHAUSTED.  I could barely keep my eyes open last night…but again, I found myself up until midnight-ish.

I got up this morning and decided that I wanted to go to church.  I went, and I walked out during the second song of the service.  I just couldn’t do it.  I got into my car and I cried.  So hard that my mascara was on the bridge of my nose. 

I tried to go to the movies, but I was dozing in the seat.  So I came home and slept for five hours.  Solidly.

I am struggling right now.  Is this home?  Why am I beginning to settle down?  Is it because of a crush?  Because this is where God wants me?  Because I’ve given up on my dreams, on who I am? 

Boston is the only city in the US that unseats me like this.  Perhaps this is why I’ve not visited for two years.

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