Whenever I travel to Boston, I come home and have trouble re-entering into life in NJ. This surprised me this time because I am beginning to feel settled here for the first time in 32 years.
Over the past few days in Boston, I got very little sleep. The one night that I had the opportunity to go to bed early, I was on the phone with a friend until midnight. Needless to say, when I got home, I was EXHAUSTED. I could barely keep my eyes open last night…but again, I found myself up until midnight-ish.
I got up this morning and decided that I wanted to go to church. I went, and I walked out during the second song of the service. I just couldn’t do it. I got into my car and I cried. So hard that my mascara was on the bridge of my nose.
I tried to go to the movies, but I was dozing in the seat. So I came home and slept for five hours. Solidly.
I am struggling right now. Is this home? Why am I beginning to settle down? Is it because of a crush? Because this is where God wants me? Because I’ve given up on my dreams, on who I am?
Boston is the only city in the US that unseats me like this. Perhaps this is why I’ve not visited for two years.