Am I really a good girl?

The perceptions that people have crack me up.  I know my good points and my bad points.  I know what I am thinking at all times….the good, the bad and the downright ugly.  I know the things that I have done in the past that I would love to forget, and I know the things in my past of which I am the most proud.

But…other people don’t know those things.  They only know the now.  They know the person that I have become as a result of all of the above mentioned “things.”  I struggle to recognize the person that I have become because I am familiar with the girl, the woman who made all of those crazy choices and decisions.

So…this makes life a bit complicated.  A few weeks ago, I was at a training class when two of our doctors were standing around, talking about me as if I weren’t in the room.  “You know, Deneen is a good girl.  She is one of three good girls left on the planet.”  My friend then asked, “Well, who are the other two?”  Recently, someone said of me, “Deneen isn’t the girl that you date, she is the girl that you marry.”  Are these compliments?  Why do they not feel so complimentary?

Is it that these guys see me with the eyes of Christ, in a way that I cannot see myself?  I would love to be able to see myself as Christ sees me.  Today I realized that I have to start walking in who God says I am, not in who I say I am or who others say I am.  This is risky.  However, if I continue to walk, my life divided between who I am and who I think I am, I will never get anywhere, never accomplish what God has for my life. 

Next post we’ll have pillar talk.  But that has to process before I can put it out there for all to see.