Thank God…for God

stars I find myself in uncharted territory once again.  Fortunately I have the North star as a guide.

I am going to enter a disclaimer.  Some who read this may get their feathers ruffled.  But this is my blog.  I’ve held back because I didn’t want to alarm anyone.  But…I have to e real.  Raw.  Or it’s not me.

For most of my life, I lived without a

ny leadership.  I didn’t really know what I was missing.  I just wandered through life, with my parents allowing me to make decisions I was way too young to make. 

Then I entered church life.  For my formative years in the church, again I had no decisive leadership.  We kinda co-existed…the pastor teaching us some stuff, praying for us, letting us go about our week, hoping that we’d return the following Sunday. 

Work life was the same.  I had lots of people who wanted me to be their protege.  It wasn’t until I was a manager of a branch that I found someone who was a mentor. 

Then I found a church (or rather, God placed me in a church) that ate, breathed and slept leadership.  I learned what leadership was; I learned how to be a leader.  I found something that was missing in my life.  And I loved it.  Until the day I realized that they were not trying to mold me into the image of Christ.  I found myself molded into their image. 

I ran.  As far as I could.  I found myself in Boston, working for a very difficult woman.  A woman who belittled me and every person with whom I worked.  She knew about leadership.  But she was no leader.

When I returned to NJ, I needed to be tempered back into the church.  I needed to be tempered back into work life.  Today I find myself in a church with a really gentle pastor.  He has a very sweet spirit.  I find myself in a work environment with very soft people.  They are the kindest, most generous people I’ve ever worked with.

But…I find myself on the cusp of beginning seminary.  I find myself craving a leader that can shape and form me into the person that God wants me to be, that I want to be…spiritually, professionally, personally.  I find myself wondering if I am where I belong.

God has healed my heart, my spirit.  God has reminded me that I am not an utter and complete moron.  I am a smart, intelligent woman who is a leader, who is capable of leading people.  God has a huge plan for me.  God has given me influence.  God has introduced me to people that I never would have dreamed of meeting.  God is going to use me to introduce people, people that others have given up on, to Him. 

So, now I wonder, what’s next?  I’m open for anything.  But I think that I am ready for a change of scenery.  There is a shift going on in the heavenlies.  People are moving all over the country, changing the names of churches. 

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