I find myself in uncharted territory once again. Fortunately I have the North star as a guide.
I am going to enter a disclaimer. Some who read this may get their feathers ruffled. But this is my blog. I’ve held back because I didn’t want to alarm anyone. But…I have to e real. Raw. Or it’s not me.
For most of my life, I lived without a
ny leadership. I didn’t really know what I was missing. I just wandered through life, with my parents allowing me to make decisions I was way too young to make.
Then I entered church life. For my formative years in the church, again I had no decisive leadership. We kinda co-existed…the pastor teaching us some stuff, praying for us, letting us go about our week, hoping that we’d return the following Sunday.
Work life was the same. I had lots of people who wanted me to be their protege. It wasn’t until I was a manager of a branch that I found someone who was a mentor.
Then I found a church (or rather, God placed me in a church) that ate, breathed and slept leadership. I learned what leadership was; I learned how to be a leader. I found something that was missing in my life. And I loved it. Until the day I realized that they were not trying to mold me into the image of Christ. I found myself molded into their image.
I ran. As far as I could. I found myself in Boston, working for a very difficult woman. A woman who belittled me and every person with whom I worked. She knew about leadership. But she was no leader.
When I returned to NJ, I needed to be tempered back into the church. I needed to be tempered back into work life. Today I find myself in a church with a really gentle pastor. He has a very sweet spirit. I find myself in a work environment with very soft people. They are the kindest, most generous people I’ve ever worked with.
But…I find myself on the cusp of beginning seminary. I find myself craving a leader that can shape and form me into the person that God wants me to be, that I want to be…spiritually, professionally, personally. I find myself wondering if I am where I belong.
God has healed my heart, my spirit. God has reminded me that I am not an utter and complete moron. I am a smart, intelligent woman who is a leader, who is capable of leading people. God has a huge plan for me. God has given me influence. God has introduced me to people that I never would have dreamed of meeting. God is going to use me to introduce people, people that others have given up on, to Him.
So, now I wonder, what’s next? I’m open for anything. But I think that I am ready for a change of scenery. There is a shift going on in the heavenlies. People are moving all over the country, changing the names of churches.
Deneen White 