Life as it were

Life has been really trying for the past few weeks…really tough.  I don’t know exactly what is going on, but the spiritual realm is especially busy.  I’m having a rough time finding time for the basics of a spiritual life…you know, like praying, worshipping, reading my Bible. 

Part of the reason that I’m having a rough time doing the basics is because when I read, I worship, I pray, I find that what is going on in my life does not line up with what God says can happen.  I’m a goal-driven, results-oriented person.  I’ve been that way since I was a child.  When the other kids in the neighborhood wanted to roam, I wanted a plan, a destination, a mapped out path.  While my friends were playing with dolls, I was playing teacher, helping my “students” learn math and english.  When we played hotel (we had a really cool window in the back of our house that was kind of like a take-out window) I had a business plan on how we could make more money.  So–this is in my DNA, I suppose. 

So, I read the book of Acts, and I want to figure out how we can have that power now.  When I read of the miracles–the turning of water into wine, the healings, raising Lazarus from the dead, I could go on and on, I am uncomfortable, wondering why I’m not seeing these things today.

I’m currently reading Courageous Leadership by Bill Hybels.  Say what you want about the idea of being “seeker friendly,” Willow Creek and its affiliates throughout the world are making a difference in the world.  Lives are being transformed.  Communities are being changed.  And people are getting real with Jesus.  The lessons that are being disseminated are invaluable to me, as a leader of the Church, because Bill Hybels has been through some stuff.  He’s teaching me the lessons that he learned so that perhaps I won’t have to make some of the same mistakes.  Something I’m learning as I get older is that I don’t know everything.  And there are a lot of people who know a whole lot more than I know.  And I want to learn as much as I can.  By reading books.  By talking to people.  By reading blogs.  By falling flat on my face because I’m doing something.

If I had to draw a map of where I am right now, I’d say that I am right here. 

I understand Elijah quite a bit more than I did before.  He was at the highest point of his ministry when he challenged the prophets of Baal.  God came through and burned up his very wet offering.  Then, a few minutes later, he was attacked and found running for his life, begging God to kill him. 

God is doing wonderful things in my life right now…and has been for a while.  But, the spiritual attacks are double time.  What should have been great moments of victory have turned into some of my greatest moments of despair.  I am fully committed to being where God has placed me for this season. 

But, today, in my inbin, I found one of my favorite scriptures, Isaiah 6:8.  

Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom will I send? Who will go for us?”  I said, “Here I am. Send me!” 

And my spirit lept within me.

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4 Responses to Life as it were

  1. Linda Smith - Chill Pastor's Mom says:

    Deneen, I must respond to your statements…”the spiritual attacks are double time”…”what should have been great moments of victory have turned into some of my greatest moments of despair”. I firmly believe that when we are doing everthing we can to follow God, Satan does everything he can to discourage us, throw “road block” in our path, sow seeds of doubt, anything & everything he can do to pull us away from our Creator. Satan knows that his time is short & he wants to take with him everyone he can. We have to remember that even God’s son, Christ Jesus was tempted & tried by Satan, so we can expect the same if we are seeking to please God. “Keep your eyes on the prize”, God will reward you & all of us who do not succumb to Satan, the deceitful liar.

  2. deneenwhite says:

    Linda,

    Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I seriously, seriously appreciate them.

    What you say is true…satan wants us to be discouraged, crying in our soup, begging for mercy. The Word tells us to stand firm on the Rock so that we can weather all storms.

    Thank you, and may God bless you!
    Deneen

  3. salt says:

    i totally agree! the devil knows the incredible greatness that you’re about to achieve, and tries to distract you from achieving.. however fierce the storm outside, jesus is the peace beyond understanding within =)

  4. markcole says:

    You are praying dangerous prayers! One thing I might consider is fasting – that way you will have more time with God and it seems more purposeful than just dieting. Although I am certainly not an expert on that topic. I went to “healing room” training this weekend. God is doing awesome things and the Kingdom of God is advancing – believe what is true about you in the Bible! You are a mustard seed that is going to grow (and grow!).

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