Sometimes I wonder if God laughs with me or at me when I take a step back and look at my thought processes.
Deneen, I want you to be a voice in the church. God, do you realize that I’m only 31 years old? Yes, Deneen. I’m God. Got that covered. God, do you remember what I did? Honestly, Deneen, I don’t. When you confessed your sin and repented, it went into the sea of forgetfulness. You are the one who remember it. When will you forgive you? Ouch.
God, do you realize that I’m still single? Yes, Deneen. God, you do realize that I’m already 31 years old, right? Yes, Deneen. I do. I’m God. Got that covered.
Why is it that when a task seems daunting, I feel like I’m 5 and not allowed to cross the street unassisted? Why is it that when it is something that I am waiting for, I feel ancient?
God is challenging me in a few areas of my life right now.
Vocationally, it looks like I’m on a rabbit trail that lead away from the place that I believe God wants me to go. Talking it out today over lunch, I realized that there are some skills that have to be developed in me that I can only learn on this “rabbit trail.”
Financially, God is challenging me to give more than is comfortable. I made all sorts of promises to Him when I was looking for a job, and now He’s calling me on those things. I have too many excuses about why I should not follow through on my promises. What is aggravating is that He then says to me, “Don’t you trust Me?” Ouch.
Spiritually God is challenging me on a few things too. He’s reminding me of things that He placed in my heart a long time ago. Whenever I forget, He gently reminds me. If you are passionate about Me as you have claimed, then you should be doing the things that I’ve asked you to do without question. Ouch.
Deneen White 
Okay…put the 2X4 down…You just smaked me!!!…But, of course, I needed it….Your first paragraph and the whole thing about God forgetting my sins that I have confessed to Him…Yeah, I too can’t let them go sometimes…
Thanks for the reminder…Thanks for wrestling with God…Do you feel like Jacob when you have those moments??? I know I do…But, after I wrestle wiht God, I feel more focused as to why, where, and what He is calling me towards…
chill
I have bruises all over from the 2×4. I feel like the monks in The Holy Grail that keep hitting themselves about the head with the tablets 🙂
I’m not certain who I feel like as I wrestle with God…sometimes Jacob, sometimes a champion, sometimes a random chump who somehow found her way into a wrestling match that she has no right being a part of.
What I do know is that God has called me to this place, and with every challenge/obstacle that I overcome, I know that much more that God has called me.