Crossroads

crossroads.jpgEight months ago, I moved from Massachusetts back to New Jersey.  My living situation wasn’t too good.  With the stress from my job, the tedium of an hour and twenty minute commute and not being in a church, I wasn’t getting along with my aunt.  I was homesick.  And quite frankly, I was lonely for somewhere to belong. 

When I moved home, I had a few interviews lined up.  One of the interviews was something that I really, really wanted, but, unfortunately, it did not happen.  So, I kept sending out resumes, in bunches, believing that a door would eventually open. 

During this time, God worked in my life, in the deep places of my soul.  I truly believe that He wanted this time for me to get to know Him in a new way, in a deeper trust/faith kind of way.  Though financially frustrated to say the least, I always believed that when the time was right, He would open the door that He wanted me to walk through.

So, a few weeks ago, I had the interview with hte company in Rittenhouse Square.  I love the neighborhood, the vision of the company, the ambition of the company.  The building is beautiful.  But something in me remains unsettled about my decision.  However, I decided to walk through the door because it was the door that had opened.

On Monday, I went in for my “orientation,” and I learned of my many job functions.  Thus far they include ordering office supplies, making coffee every morning, giving interviewees applications and new hires the appropriate paperwork.  I was told I would have a laptop, and I learned on Monday that I would have a desktop.  Which I will have to probably set up on Monday when I arrive to work.  So, again, the unsettledness grew, but, again, because God opened this door, I am walking through it.

Yesterday, though, as I was checking my email, I had the inclination to look through job postings.  I stopped myself, because I have a job, right?  A few minutes later, my phone rang, and I thought it was my pastor.  Instead it was a woman calling about a resume that I had submitted before I accepted my position.  I listened to what she had to say.  She was calling about a marketing assistant position.  The company is located less than 10 miles from my house.  The job would involve interacting with people, coordinating promotions at their 18 locations throughout the tri-state area.  We talked about the job, about me, what I would like to do for over 10 minutes.  So, today I am going on the interview.

I have a really good feeling about this job interview.  I was honest with her and told her that I start a new positon on Monday.  I told her that the job that she described sounds very interesting.  And after I told her these things, she still wants me to come in to talk about the position.

I have to admit that I have been wrestling with this since yesterday.  I don’t want to be unethical.  I want my integrity to remain intact.  But I also want to see all of my options. 

I have one regret professionally.  Two days before I started at Cheng & Tsui in Boston, another publisher called me and offered me an interview.  A big company that anyone in academia would recognize.  I refused the interview because I had a job.  And then my life was a professional hell for the next 7 months.  There were many times that, as I was crying because of being emotionally abused by my boss, that I wondered what would have happened had I taken that interview.

Please note…the men with whom I will be working in Philadelphia (if I do not get this other job) have really sweet spirits.  They love what they are doing.  They are relishing the opportunities that living in the US affords them.  They are really humble people.  So, I am not comparing them with my previous employer. 

However, I cannot live my life in the “what if” mode any more. 

So, we’ll see what happens after this interview. 

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