Today I’ve been wrestling out some pretty deep heart issues. There are things that I’ve been carrying around for a long time. Yesterday I read an article that triggered some stuff that runs deep.

Some desires seems inconsistent with other desires. Some issues I thought weren’t “important” it turns out are of the utmost importance. Some things that I thought were important are just blips on a screen.

What am I saying? Paradigms are shifting. Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, and to fear God properly, I’ve had to learn what faith is. I suppose that there has been a crisis of faith going on within me for the past few days. Noone I know has a terminal disease. Noone I know has died suddenly. I believe more today than I did yesterday that God is God, that He is sovereign, omnipotent, omnipresent. The crisis of which I speak has involved me wrestling out my desires, trying to make heads or tails of them. The resolution to which I’ve come is this: I can’t figure it out. I’m not God. And I have to be okay with that.

Am I? *chuckles* Being a control freak who wants everything planned out to the milisecond, not so much. Am I willing to learn to be okay with that? Yes.