What I’ve learned

I’ve learned some valuable lessons today. I don’t have the rest of my life to list them, and it is quite late, so I’ll give the short version. Ten more minutes.

1. Don’t put off to 1:30 AM what you can do at 7 AM. I’ve avoided spending time with God since early this morning because I wanted to wallow in anger toward my grandmother. She is mean, and yesterday I was dealt a blow for which I was unprepared. So, instead of turning to God for forgiveness, I enjoyed the anger. So, here I am at 2:18 AM typing.

2. God created the church as His body. We all have different views, different passions, different interests. I have a heart for the nations. My friend Bev has a heart for the US. My friend Colleen has a heart for kids. I have a passion for adults. I’m not pigeon-holing anyone, just speaking to our differences. What we all have in common is that we all love JESUS more than ourselves. If we all walk out what God has placed in our hearts, the whole world will know Jesus. That is what we are called to do.

3. When someone dies, even if that person knows the Lord, it still freaking hurts. Tonight I learned that a friend died. She’s better off…she had a heart condition and has been hospitalized too many times for too many open heart operations. God called her number, and she walked into His arms. I know that she went home. However, that still leaves a void. Trite christianisms do not take the sting out of the loss. It still sucks that I’ll never see a new play from her heart, from her hands. She’ll never give me that look that says, “Girl, I love you and I understand, even if noone else does.” She left behind kids and family. She was a beautiful woman, and Carolyn, I can’t wait to see you completely healthy on the other side.

4. Though I tried to talk Him out of it and scare Him out of it in my journal, God has still called me into ministry. I will never scoff at Jonah again. As a matter of fact, I will not be going anywhere near the ocean for a while. I cannot fathom why God has called me into ministry. I wrote all kinds of ugly things in my journal about my family, people who’ve hurt me, people I deeply love, and still He comforts me and tells me that He understands. Why? Because before I was born, He was tempted in every way that I am being tempted and ever will be tempted. Because, before the foundation of the earth, He and the Father formulated a plan to redeem my sin. Even if noone else were ever born, Jesus would have still endured the cross for me. I say that to people without a second thought. But, every once in a while, I dig myself into a pit and Jesus pulls me out and reminds me that He died for me as well as for the people I love. I am continually humbled that He not only loves me but that He has called me, despite my anger, loathing and so many other ugly emotions, words, actions.

There you have it. And I’m only a minute over.

I crack me up. That must be why God has called me into ministry. Either that or He’s a little left of center. Or both. I suppose I’ll only know when I join Carolyn in heaven.

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