I love the people that are in my life right now. There is this one person who continually makes me look at myself and examine what I do and what I believe. We have a unique relationship because there are few people who actually drive me to self-examination in the way he does. Anyway…
Last night it was pointed out to me that I don’t have a wide circle of people that I hang out with. I got kind of defensive…
When I was in elementary school, while other girls were playing dolls or house, I was out front playing football, kickball, jail break with the boys. I was splitting wood or fishing with my dad. I was watching baseball games and football games rather than Beverly Hills 90210.
The women who are my closest friends are scattered throughout the US–California, Wisconsin, Missouri. While I would love to hang with them on a regular basis, geographically and financially (at the moment) this is not feasible.
I tend to allow myself to be closer to men than women.
Why is this? I learned at a young age not to trust the girls in my life. When I was in third grade, my “best friend” told me that I was not allowed to be friends with the new girl in school because she wanted to be friends with her. Yeah. Seriously. Then as I went through junior high school and high school, I was naturally friends with the guys in my class. We just had more common interests. The girls apparently found this intimidating and all but shut me out of socializing with them.
I honestly didn’t mind being shut out. I like being alone. I am naturally an introvert. I can talk to most people, hold a good conversation. I am the person that, despite yourself, you find yourself depending on for emotional support, for organizational support, for general support. But I am not necessarily the person that you think of calling to hang out on a Friday night.
Honestly, I only like most people in small doses. Give me 2-4 hours, and I’m ready to leave. I’m done for a couple of months. There are a handful of people that I can be around for long periods of time. These are the people who are comfortable with silence. They are independent people who can entertain themselves. They are people who can actually hold a conversation…people who have differing views who can support their views but who also listen and can take as much as they can give to a conversation. They are people who are smart–intelligent vs book-smart–people who embody the lessons that they’ve learned in their lives rather than regurgitating information that they’ve read in books.
So yeah…at heart I’m an anti-social introvert. Wanna have coffee tomorrow?