I love the people that are in my life right now. There is this one person who continually makes me look at myself and examine what I do and what I believe. We have a unique relationship because there are few people who actually drive me to self-examination in the way he does. Anyway…
Last night it was pointed out to me that I don’t have a wide circle of people that I hang out with. I got kind of defensive…
When I was in elementary school, while other girls were playing dolls or house, I was out front playing football, kickball, jail break with the boys. I was splitting wood or fishing with my dad. I was watching baseball games and football games rather than Beverly Hills 90210.
The women who are my closest friends are scattered throughout the US–California, Wisconsin, Missouri. While I would love to hang with them on a regular basis, geographically and financially (at the moment) this is not feasible.
I tend to allow myself to be closer to men than women.
Why is this? I learned at a young age not to trust the girls in my life. When I was in third grade, my “best friend” told me that I was not allowed to be friends with the new girl in school because she wanted to be friends with her. Yeah. Seriously. Then as I went through junior high school and high school, I was naturally friends with the guys in my class. We just had more common interests. The girls apparently found this intimidating and all but shut me out of socializing with them.
I honestly didn’t mind being shut out. I like being alone. I am naturally an introvert. I can talk to most people, hold a good conversation. I am the person that, despite yourself, you find yourself depending on for emotional support, for organizational support, for general support. But I am not necessarily the person that you think of calling to hang out on a Friday night.
Honestly, I only like most people in small doses. Give me 2-4 hours, and I’m ready to leave. I’m done for a couple of months. There are a handful of people that I can be around for long periods of time. These are the people who are comfortable with silence. They are independent people who can entertain themselves. They are people who can actually hold a conversation…people who have differing views who can support their views but who also listen and can take as much as they can give to a conversation. They are people who are smart–intelligent vs book-smart–people who embody the lessons that they’ve learned in their lives rather than regurgitating information that they’ve read in books.
So yeah…at heart I’m an anti-social introvert. Wanna have coffee tomorrow?
Deneen White 
Interesting post!
Yeah, so, I’ve learned with my experiences with women, and men (both in a totally, non-sexual, platonic way) that a lot of our reasoning for not hanging with the same gender stems from our personal relationships with our parents. If a boy, growing up, spend more time with his mother than his father, it just becomes easier for him to do so with women later in life. Conversely, if a girl spends more time with her father while growing up, the same goes for her with men later in life. You mentioned splitting wood and fishing with your father, yet, mention nothing of your past experience with you mother.
It may be something to explore. But who am I?
I’ve never thought about how spending time with my father as a child would make me more comfortable with men. My mom and I spent quite a bit of time together when I was a kid, but I guess the time with my dad made more of an impact. Maybe you should be writing books instead of selling implants…you seem to have some good insights.
Does that mean that I can blame my mom for my female issues? Just kidding mom 🙂
It comes with years and years of counseling sessions… I know that there is a calling for me… but I think I am running away from it. A modern-time Jonah, if you will.
hmmmm…interesting very interesting…& i loved what mike wrote…i prefer the company of men too…just no drama there! but i didn’t really have a “dad” growing up…although my grandpop will forever be a saint in my mind…i wonder!?
This is Mike speaking; Anne, the human psyche is strange like that. Sometimes the preference to hang out with a specific gender is derived from a need or desire that was not fulfilled as a child… It is a case-by-case thing… you don’t really know until you actually talk it through…
My two pesos. (Which is probably less than the equivalent of 2 pennies)
i guess i’m going to have to do that…thanks, mike!!!