I’ll just jump into it. I have a fear of intimacy. This fear goes across the board. I actually tried to avoid even writing this post. I had something more “interactive” planned. A let’s talk post. In the spirit of authenticity, I find myself writing the one post I didn’t want to.
Fear of intimacy. My problem goes across the board…men, women, family, friends. The root of this fear is pretty deep for me. I had someone break my trust deeply…someone I thought I could trust. I know that you’re not the guy who hurt me, but for some reason, I automatically put up the guard to my heart whenever we talk, whenever I feel like you’re getting too close.
I had a female friend break my trust in high school. I thought she was one of my best friends. I learned the hard way that she wasn’t. When she slept with my boyfriend. Ouch. So now, I instinctively put up a guard around my heart and won’t let you get too close.
You see, I have all sorts of excuses. The fact of the matter is that I have to work on this issue. But I’m afraid. I’m afraid that you are going to see my heart and not care for it the way that it needs to be cared for. Or worse, that you will see my heart and disrespect those things that make me who I am.
What frightens me the most? Is that you will see my heart and like what you see. And then you might want to see more of me.
Does anyone else fear intimacy? Have you overcome this fear? Please…give me some pointers.