Last night I was flipping through channels…and I came upon a program that I was semi-seeking out, but semi wanting to avoid. I came upon my former pastor preaching.
I caught the program in the middle. Part of me felt like a peeping tom…it felt very voyeuristic. I saw some good stuff. I love that the stage was decorated in accordance with the sermon series. We were always really good at branding, and in this area the church has certainly progressed. I love progress, so that brought a smile to my face. I also know that being on television was a dream of my pastor. So, I was happy to see that his dream had become a reality.
I left that church deeply wounded. I went away to MA to get away from the daily reminders of the hurts that I cultivated in my heart. What I didn’t realize is that you can’t pack hurt away in a suitcase. It travels with you until you deal with it. So, I ran around MA bleeding all over myself, my family & my new co-workers. But I didn’t realize that I was the problem.
I came home and started going to a new church. In this church, God has healed my wounds. I have once again grown in love with the church, and I have a passion for the Church. I have learned to trust people, specifically Christians, again. God has taught me to love once again.
Last night, as I was watching my former pastor preach, I realized that loved had replaced the loathing. He spoke so much into my life over the 8 years that I attended his church. He really shaped me and moulded me. I owe much of who I have developed to be as a Christian to him. I owe my love of theology to him. I wish the love of Church History had rubbed off…but it didn’t 🙂
It is amazing what God can do with a willing heart. My prayer has been for so long that God would do His will in my life. God does not want me to live in enmity with a brother in Christ. God does not want me to live in fear of His bride, the Church. God does not want me to live in fear of brothers and sisters in Christ. God wants me to love, unconditionally. So, that is what I will do.
Deneen White 