There is a theme running through my life at the moment. It is a little something that I like to call faith. God is taking key situations in my life and rebuilding the woman of faith that I once was. He is re-educating me on what faith is…what it tastes like, smells like, feels like. I relinquished the gift of faith one day…I could take you the exact spot where I gave it away…but I won’t.
As you may or may not know, I’ve been applying for jobs. Lots of jobs. Big jobs. Small jobs. Jobs in the medical industry. Jobs in the mortgage industry. Heck, I even applied to be an administrative assistant for a floor company. All of the jobs have one thing in common. I would be comfortable. I know that I can do all of the jobs for which I have applied. I’m intelligent. I learn quickly. I have an aptitude for a myriad of subjects and jobs. I say this not to sound boastful. I know who I am and I know that whatever I do, I do well. In all of those jobs, I’d be financially ok. Not great…but good enough. Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
Last week, completely off-the-cuff, I apply for a job at a mortgage company in Voorhees, mentioned in my previous blog post. I didn’t expect a call…I expected crickets. So, when I received the phone call on Monday, I was cautiously optimistic, ’cause I’ve been here before.
The interview went well, from what I could tell. We talked for about an hour. The job will be challenging, interesting and something new. I would be an AA for a few months while learning to process mortgages. The company is laid back–as long as you are doing your work. Two young guys are the owners. They are excelling in their industry, but they maintain a good sense of self, of family. I was told today that family comes first, then work. Wow. For the mortgage industry, that is almost blasphemy.
Where am I going with this? A few years ago, I made a decision to leave a job. A good job. Over the years, I wrestled with shame. Inevitably, every person asks, “Why would you leave such a good job?” With the financial ramificaions of my decision, I ask that question more often than anyone can imagine. But, whenever I ask the “why” God always brings me back to the same scripture in Joel 2:25-26:
25“I’ll make up for the years of the locust,the great locust devastation-Locusts savage, locusts deadly,fierce locusts, locusts of doom,That great locust invasionI sent your way.26You’ll eat your fill of good food.You’ll be full of praises to your GOD,The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.Never again will my people be despised. (The Message)
I left my job, which was a safe, secure job, to swim in water with some fierce sharks, to have all that I owned eaten by locusts. The job for which I interviewed today would be God restoring what the locusts have stolen…this job would be a financial blessing unlike anything I would have asked God for. This job would teach me to make lucrative tents…anywhere in the US.
It is not my desire to be blessed so that I can gather up a bunch of things. The desire of my heart is to be blessed by God in every capacity so that I can be a blessing to my family, my church, my community. My hands have been tied–willingly–to bring me to this point. I feel like a race horse in the starting gate. I know that the race is about to begin, but I am held back, awaiting the sound of the starter pistol and the raising of the gates.
So, if you could, would pray for me, it would be greatly appreciated.