For the record, I think I’d prefer to take the GRE’s in calculus and organic chemistry rather than having to write an autobiographical statement and a statement explaining my desire to pursue a theological degree. Multiple choice tests are the way to go. Below are some good sample questions.

1. Do you feel called to seminary?
a. yes
b. no, my parents are making me do it.

2. Is Jesus your personal Savior?
a. yes
b. sometimes
c. no…but my parents think He is. They don’t know what I do on the weekends!

3. What is the square root of 837?
a. I don’t know.
b. Where’s my calculator?
c. Why are you asking me this question?

4. What is acetyl salicylic acid?
a. carbonation in soda
b. aspirin
c. soap

5. Should you be doing something better than writing a fake test?
a. Yes
b. No
c. Shouldn’t you be doing something more interesting than reading my procrastination questions?

I’ll stop now. One “statement” completed, one to go.