Today was supposed to be a day of studying, reading and writing. Instead, I found myself cleaning for over 3 hours. I scrubbed our house like it’s not been scrubbed in a long time. Mundane it seems, but actually not so trivial. Whenever I get the sense that my life is about to be out of my control, I clean. I scrub. I nest. When I worked at the bank, they used to see me cleaning and steer clear of me because they had an inkling of what was to come. It is honestly completely subconscious. I do not even realize that I am in the cycle until I’m in deep…with couches moved and Windex sprayed and Clorox Cleanup all over my shirt. By that time, I’m past the point of no return and I have to race to the finish line. So, our house is spic and span.

On so many levels, my meeting with Pastor John is important tonight. I guess I didn’t realize how important until my hands were chafed. I have to be honest…really honest with him about where I see my life going. In that, I risk so many things. It’s better to take the risk now than wait. I don’t want to be in England, outside of a tent, after the best meeting of my life and have my heart crushed and handed to me on a platter. I’d rather do that now. Though I have the sense that my heart will not be handed to me on a platter but rather protected. Yet I find myself cleaning.

For now, a nap and some reflection are in order.

One thought on “Cleaning

  1. Now I know what to get you for Christmas, those yellow gloves and a bottle of Mr. Clean. For things are about change, change for the good, change so that the promises and purposes of God can be fulfilled in your life. I’m passing on a piece of advice I just received from Beth, “hold on to the bar…this is going to be an amazing ride!”

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