My inner badass escaped!

When I started my job, my intention was to keep up with the flow of blogging that I had going before I started. Well…obviously that didn’t happen.

I’m not going to give you a bullshit excuse about why I didn’t do what I intended.

I dropped the ball.

I got overly focused on the job.

I fell right back into my comfortable patterns.

Well…that sucked. It sucked so badly that I had a nightmare about it.

In it, I was so mean that I was physically ugly. It was awful. I was unnecessarily horrid to everyone. Imagine Miranda from The Devil Wears Prada. Only worse.

When I woke up, I realize how mean I’ve been to my self…to my inner badass who has a purpose. I locked her up in a closet again.

This time, she fought back.

You see…I took this job to pay bills. I took this job because I kick ass at dental shit.

I didn’t take this job to lock my true self up in a closet for the next 5 years though.

That would be a deal breaker.

Friday night I had a hot date with a hot guy who pulled out a pen and paper and made me unlock my inner badass. Over shrimp fajitas and a Hurricane.

I was put on this earth with a message that only I can deliver. I have a tribe of people who need to hear that message urgently, just like I needed to hear the message of a few people I consider my mentors.

The door has been unlocked. The message is being formulated now.

Do you want to be a part of my tribe? Do you have shit locked away that you hear knocking on the doors of your heart?

Drop me a line. Subscribe to my blog. Soon I’ll be unveiling a program that will get you started on the adventure of a lifetime.

Seriously, though…subscribe. You don’t want to miss this entry level offer that will only happen once.


Well…last week was a whirlwind, to say the least. If you’d talked to me on Monday, I would’ve told you a completely different version of my life than what actually transpired. I didn’t have time to process what occurred, and that literally blew my Type A Virgo mind to smithereens by Friday.

I slept it off on Saturday…processed, napped, watched basketball and mindless television.

Now…I’m ready to take on the challenge.

First of all…I’m making a loose schedule for myself. Sundays are for planning, meal prep and vision casting for the week. I have a vision for my personal life that is of the utmost importance. I also need to set up a plan of attack for my new professional role.

I need to get back on the workout wagon. I just feel better when I move my body. I need to meditate and pray to organize my mind. I need to read the word of God because that’s literally food for my spirit.

Starting today…it’s a 5 AM wake up.

  • Meditate 10-20 minutes.
  • Ready my daily reading for my Bible plan. Workout.
  • Make bullet proof coffee.
  • Shower. Get ready.
  • Walk or bus to work.
  • Head home around 6. Eat dinner.
  • Prep social media for the following day.
  • Decompress.
  • Pass out by 8-9 PM.
  • Rinse and repeat.

I work best with structure…so that’s the plan.

Thanks for bearing with me through his transition…it is a whirlwind…but I’m really excited to see how God works all of these things together. He has the master plan…my job is to tap into what He’s doing and flow with Him.


Well…I am officially employed.

It happened quickly. On a whim, I sent my resume. Less than 30 minutes later, I had an interview. About 24 hours later, I had an offer.

I wasn’t expecting any of this. That’s probably why God opened the door.

When you’ve had as much rejection as I have in the past few months…the long interview processes ending in, “Thank you, but we’ve gone with another candidate” or worse…dead silence…you set your expectations really low.

I am really excited about this opportunity. I am going to be able to use my strengths in a way I haven’t been able to in a long time. The doctors are both great. The office is beautiful.

Tonight, as I was praying, thanking God for this opportunity, I was brought to tears. God knows our every need. God knows the end from the beginning.

I lost trust in Him. Hence the tears. He proved Himself faithful. He worked in the last 24 hours the way He used to work in my life. I truly know that the best is yet to come.

Please pray for me. This is going to be a transition for me. And for the office. I need God’s favor and grace while I get myself into a schedule.

Long term vision

A mistake that I’ve made in the past is focusing so acutely on the short term that I lose sight of the long term. Some may say that I cut my nose off to spite my face.

I recently read the story of Jacob, where he is wrestling with God. He wrestled with God for an entire night before God pops his hip out of its socket and wins. Jacob knew what he wanted…a blessing. He wasn’t giving up until he got what he wanted.

I feel like I’ve been wrestling with God for nine months. I’ve had my vision of the way things would work out…but God, in the end, has another idea.

I have come to see my life more as an experiment than anything. What does that mean? That means I’m willing to recalculate my route. The end destination hasn’t changed, at all. My vision is very clear. The path to get there is just different than I thought it was in July.

I borderline stalk content from Gary Vaynerchuk. On the daily, I learn that being 42, I’m still young. I have a good 50 years left to live. He also talks about eating shit…doing whatever you have to do to get where you want to go.

So…the next phase of my life is going to be doing something I’m great at during the day while making my vision a reality during the evening or the early morning.

Please…keep me in prayer during this season. I’m super excited about all of the possibilities that are on the horizon.

Self-love Saturday

Today I want to celebrate a few of my favorite things! Self love comes in many forms. Here are a few things that I’ve discovered that make life better.


A few weeks ago, I had the massage of my life. What made it so good? First of all, my friend Jules Million was the massage therapist. If you are a regular massage person, and live in Philadelphia, I can’t recommend her highly enough.

Before we started, she had a conversation with me. Asked me what my goal was for the massage. (Did you know that you can have a goal for a massage? I didn’t!) After she got a feel for what we wanted to accomplish, I had the massage. Can you say amazing?

After the massage, we did a consultation of things that she found…like my hamstrings are really tight and that my right side is higher than my left. She recommended ways to work on those things before our next session.

I’ve had a few massages in my life. Normally, the intake form is largely ignored, then after the session I’m given a glass of water and basically told good luck with that right side…cause it’s a bag of rocks 😳

So…if you want a great massage, I only have one person to whom I’d send you!

Essential oils

I have a hard time falling asleep. Without fail, it takes me at least an hour to settle my mind and body.

Enter Dream Time by Rocky Mountain Oils. I smell this oil and I get sleepy. I rub it on my neck and behind my ears, I’m asleep within 10-15 minutes.

I’ve been dabbling with oils for a few months. I’ve tried oils from Whole Foods. I’ve tried the popular brands that friends sell. What makes these oils different is the thorough testing that they go through. And free shipping. That’s pretty awesome too.

If you’re an insomniac like me…try Dream Time. I promise you’ll love it. For the record…I get nothing if you try it out. This company is a direct to consumer company.

What oils do you use? I’m always open for suggestions!

Bulletproof Coffee

Ok…I’ve been trying to figure out what way of eating works for me. I’ve tried vegan. I like meat too much for that to be sustainable. I’ve tried counting container and calories. I’m not disciplined enough for that…and frankly, I’m so fixated on food that I’m. Always. Hungry. That’s counterproductive to weight loss 😜

Enter intermittent fasting. Basically…you eat for 8 hours and fast for 16 hours. You eat when you’re hungry during that 8 hour window and then don’t eat for the other 16 hours.

I’m also trying out the keto lifestyle…hence the bulletproof coffee. The super cliff notes version is you eat a lot of low carb veggies, some meat, and a hefty portion of fat. Bulletproof coffee is my savior in the morning. I mix coffee, 2 tablespoons of coconut oil, 2 tablespoons of Kerrygold butter, coffee and a raw egg (yes, you read that right) in my Nutribullet and bam…a delicious drink that keeps me full for hours.

I see all ways of eating as an experiment to see what works. I love veggies. I’m not a huge carb (read rice, bread, potato) person. I’m also not a huge meat person…I enjoy a good steak on occasion…but I can’t eat huge amounts of it. So…this is an experiment that is working…especially since I discovered a low carb pizza!

So…those are a few of my favorite things. What is something that you love…that you can’t live without…that is an act of self love! Let me know!

Stalled out

A long time ago, I had a car that I lovingly called the blue bomb. Friends gave her to me. It was a beater Subaru…banged up door, years past its prime. I was thankful for the blue bomb.


There was one catch with it at the beginning. It had a standard transmission. I was an automatic girl. The first time I took her on a longish ride, I went to Cherry Hill to my church’s office. I got out of my neighborhood in Woodbury, onto 295 and all the way to the intersection of Springdale Road and Church Road.

Then…my deepest fear transpired. I couldn’t shift from first into second to get through the intersection. It took me three lights aka 1 million years to make the left I needed to make. When my car stalled, I was less than half a mile from my destination.

Every single time I go through that intersection, to this day, I remember that moment.

Why do I relate this story to you?

We all go through these moments. It may not include cars honking at you as they’re just trying to get home…but it may be with weight loss? Fitness? Bible in a year plan? Prayers life? Meditation practice? Writing? You get the picture.

I’ve started and stopped more fitness programs and diets than you can even name. I get to a certain point, where I truly believe that I’m going to be successful…I’m almost to my goal. Then I stall.

Last week I was on a roll with fitness. My friend Meggan made me a weight lifting program and a five minute HIIT program. I was lifting weights, taking videos to check my form. I was on top of the world.

Then…I stalled. I was sore. I was hungry. I was sitting in the middle of the intersection between progress and quitting and I chose the latter.


Reality has set in about a few of my dreams/goals that have nothing to do with fitness. I was set on making a decision…then I couldn’t. I read an article that brought up all kinds of emotions that I *thought* I had dealt with…but hadn’t. Grief gripped my heart hard. It snowed and I ate all the food. All the emotions. All the things.

My brain is hard-wired to fixate on the bad things instead of the good things. I mean…I sat court side to see the Harlem Globetrotters with the guy I dig the most in the world. We had an amazing night full of laughter and smiles that will forever be cherished. Why not fixate on the good things? Because my brain is a work in progress.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Today, take a look at your life. Where are you stalled, or stalling? Take responsibility for stalling. It’s not the weather’s fault. It’s not your husband’s fault. It’s not your boss’s fault. It’s your fault. The sooner you look at yourself, with love, and see what is going on, the sooner you can stop the cars honking behind you and make the turn that you need to make.

personal responsibility


International Women’s Day

Today is a day set aside to celebrate women. How awesome is that?

I’ve always been more of a tomboy…I’d rather watch an action adventure flick than a chick flick. You can catch me on Sunday screaming my head off watching the Patriots instead of doing whatever people do when they’re not watching football.

I’ve spent a good portion of my life pushing down my femininity…trying not to be too soft. Whenever I feel like I’m painted into an emotional corner, I cut my hair super short and kick ass. Or I crawl into my turtle shell until I feel safe.

I’ve been leery of other women…because I didn’t really want to or try to find common ground.

I’ve actually done research on how to connect with my feminine side…reading articles and trying to make some changes in my life to reflect a softer side of me.

I’m growing my hair. I’m wearing makeup. I’m going to start wearing more dresses. I’m going to allow myself to receive instead of always giving.

I’ve been blessed recently to connect with women with whom I can relate…and with whom I can share stories and experiences and find out…we’re all the same. We all have the same basic set of struggles. We all fight insecurity…and the fear that we’re not enough.

Today, know that YOU ARE ENOUGH. If there is a woman in your life, let her know that she is enough.

To celebrate International Women’s Day, if you are a woman, be kind to yourself. If you are a human, tell a woman you know that she is doing a good job at life.

The truth is that we never know someone’s full story. Most of us, men and women, walk around wearing masks to hide deeply hidden scalars and wounds. Be kind. Be gentle. Love one another.

The apocalypse is here!

In Philly, every time there is a snow event, you’d think the apocalypse is on its way. Even though it snows every single year.

Bread, eggs, milk and water fly off the shelves. Liquor stores are flooded with those who want to numb their time “trapped” indoors. The local news stations go all out, sending their reporters to the ends of the earth, showing us how dangerous it is.

How many people live their lives this way, on the daily?

You worry about all of the scenarios that may occur. Your thoughts, like the newscasters, go places that you have no business going. You have conversations in your head that will never actually occur. You dwell on what-ifs like it’s your job.

I fall into this. A lot. My brain is hard-wired to worry, to see obstacles instead of opportunities. It’s something I learned as a child.

What I know, what I’ve learned, is that it is my responsibility to change these patterns.

This is a daily challenge for me. I wish I could say that I have my thought life under control. I go through phases…I’m good, trusting God, working toward a definitive goal, focused. Then…shit happens…and bam 💥 I’m in a tail spin for a week.

What I’m learning is that the key to being successful is taking life on a day by day basis. Meditate before I get out of bed. Read my daily Bible reading. Prayer. Workout. Journal. These are daily non-negotiables that help alleviate worry.

This morning, I did a meditation to help me listen to my “inner guide.” For me, my inner guide is the Holy Spirit. When I trust His guidance over my logical, ego driven mind, I am always at peace.

Today, as you go about your day, don’t be a weather forecaster. Instead, control the controllable. You can’t control what thoughts enter your mind, but you can control whether or not they set up shop. You can’t control a lot of circumstances, but you can control your reaction to the circumstances.

Let me know your thoughts!


4 seasons

The trees are budding here in Philadelphia, and we’re expecting our second nor-easter in less than a week. What the heck is going on with the world?

In some ways, I feel like the weather right now is reflective of the journey that I’ve been on for the past few months. Times where I’m really hot–completing tasks, moving forward, knowing that I can do anything that is set in front of me–followed by times where I’m cold–I sit down and write a complete blog only to delete it, questioning everything in my life down to why I exist.

One of my greatest weaknesses is that I try to make decisions for my life based on other people. Growing up, I always wanted to please my parents, my sister. I never wanted to make waves in the family, so I just did whatever was needed to keep the peace. Then, I played that role in jobs. I would work harder than anyone else so that my value was evident. In relationships, I strive to be the person who says good morning, who is encouraging.

people pleasing

The problem with all of that is that you tend to lose yourself in the mix. Recently, I have been heavy on the relationship struggle bus. I made a stand, only to realize that I was all alone. The other person didn’t seem to care, didn’t notice. And it hurt my heart. Deeply.

self sabotage

So, what happened? I let myself go. I punished myself. My self care was nil. Yeah…I went through the motions and encouraged others to take care of themselves while in the background I was eating like crap, not getting enough sleep. I wasn’t meditating. I wasn’t writing (Ahem…it’s been three weeks since I wrote something here and hit publish!) My house was a wreck. I wasn’t moving my body. I punished myself for someone else’s behavior.


So, here I am, once again, restarting the cold engine. I have tasks written on my white board that have to be accomplished daily.

  • Read my bible. I started a 365 read through the Bible plan. I’m on day 9.
  • Meditate
  • Journal
  • Workout–5 min HIIT workout daily, weights three days a week, walking or elliptical 4 days a week for 30-60 minutes.
  • Blog daily, even if it’s just a snippet.
  • Post on instagram 2-3 times a day.
  • Go live on fb or instagram daily
  • Meal prep and eating the food I prep. I’m sticking to whole foods, lowish carbs.

Why am I putting this up here for you to see? Well, one day, someone is going to want to know how I got my shit together…and here’s the plan. I have some pretty lofty goals that I want to accomplish. The only way that I can do that is to not be like Mother Nature over the past few weeks here in Philadelphia.

Can you relate to any of this? If you can, drop me a line…for moral support…to let me know that you’ve read…or so that we can work together on your goals!



You are a diamond

What comes to your mind when you think of the word “diamond?”

Engagement? Marriage? Beauty? Shiny object? Opulence?

diamond ring

Pockets of diamonds in the earth’s mantle are rare. It takes a specific set of circumstances for them to form. A diamond is formed 90 miles below the earth’s surface at a temperature of 2000 F.

Once extracted from the ground, the diamond is then forcibly separated into smaller pieces either through cleaving (separated at a weak point) or by being sawed apart. Then, two diamonds are put on axles, spun in opposite directions so that they can form one another into the round shape we think of as diamonds. After that, facets are cut into the diamonds and they are polished to give them that sparkle for which they are known.

This week, I felt like I was a diamond that had just been extracted from the earth. A limiting belief that I didn’t know I had was forcibly brought to light. Then I was cracked away from it, leaving me feeling bruised. The next thing I knew, my emotions had me spinning round and round at lightning speed, bumping up against something. By the end of the week, I felt like I was being cut repeatedly. Today…as the polishing is being done, I’m starting to see my sparkle again.

There are things in our lives that have to be exposed to us for healing and growth. Sometimes they bubble up and sometimes they explode due to circumstances that are completely out of our control. Either way, it is your responsibility to yourself, to your future self, to act.

Those who take action are diamonds. Why? Looking hurts in the face is DIFFICULT. In our world, it is so much easier and acceptable to blame others for our pain instead of owning it and growing through it.

I didn’t choose the circumstances that led to my week of self-discovery. Honestly, I chose anger and self-righteousness. I was angry because I felt wronged. God, in His awesomeness, woke my resistant butt up at 0430 and started showing me things that I had been ignoring for my whole life.

What I saw jarred me to the core. Things that I had believed for decades as truth were an illusion. I looked the wounded little girl inside of me in the eye. I saw her pain. I saw her isolation. I saw how much she needed to be acknowledged, loved and nurtured instead of beaten back into the corner in which I had her hidden.

The false beliefs that I held for so long adversely affected so many relationships in my life, particularly in my relationship with God. The false belief isolated me…from myself.

I had a choice. I could be really angry with myself. I chose, though, to love myself and allow myself to heal. What pissed me off last week causes me to be thankful today. You see…we don’t always want to look at our shit. Sometimes it takes a limiting belief being thrust into your face for you to acknowledge it.

Today, as you are going through your life, take some time to examine the ugly parts of you that you keep hidden…the anger, the fear. Don’t do it in judgment…do it out of love for yourself, out of a desire to know yourself better. You may find a part of you that needs to be brought to the light, hugged, thanked and appreciated.