i was MADE for this

There is a voice that is within every woman that asks, “Am I lovely?”  After 33 years of research, I believe that question arises almost as soon as a female baby enters the world.  Every woman I know seeks an answer to that question, whether it is conscious or subconscious.

When I was a kid, I always sought the approval of the men in my life–my father, my grandfathers and my great grandfather.  I collected baseball cards and coins.  I chopped wood and went fishing.  I played tennis and watched football.  I did what I thought I needed to do to get their attention.

I started emotionally eating at a young age…about the same age that I discovered that I could escape in a good book.  Because I wasn’t getting a yes on the, “Am I lovely” question, I filled the hole that was left with all kinds of food–salty, sweet, savory.  

As a teenager and an adult, I found the answer even more fleeting.  In high school, boys would ask me to help them with homework, to study for tough subjects rather than asking me out.  I learned that doing tasks made me desirable.  As an adult, I’ve learned that helping people makes me indispensible.  

The irony of the deep rooted question is that the answer is not found in other people.  It can only be found within.  I could be the most breathtakingly beautiful woman in the world, but if I don’t know my intrinsic value and my deep beauty, noone will be able to convince me of my loveliness.  More importantly, there is One who is enthralled by my beauty. Check out Psalm 45 (from biblegateway.com):

¹ My heart is stirred by a noble theme 
       as I recite my verses for the king; 
       my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

 ² You are the most excellent of men 
       and your lips have been anointed with grace, 
       since God has blessed you forever.

 ³ Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one; 
       clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.

 ⁴ In your majesty ride forth victoriously 
       in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness; 
       let your right hand display awesome deeds.

 ⁵ Let your sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the king’s enemies; 
       let the nations fall beneath your feet.

 ⁶ Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever; 
       a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom.

 ⁷ You love righteousness and hate wickedness; 
       therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions 
       by anointing you with the oil of joy.

 ⁸ All your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia; 
       from palaces adorned with ivory 
       the music of the strings makes you glad.

 ⁹ Daughters of kings are among your honored women; 
       at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir.

 ¹⁰ Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: 
       Forget your people and your father’s house.

 ¹¹ The king is enthralled by your beauty; 
       honor him, for he is your lord.

 ¹² The Daughter of Tyre will come with a gift, 
       men of wealth will seek your favor.

 ¹³ All glorious is the princess within her chamber ; 
       her gown is interwoven with gold.

 ¹⁴ In embroidered garments she is led to the king; 
       her virgin companions follow her 
       and are brought to you.

 ¹⁵ They are led in with joy and gladness; 
       they enter the palace of the king.

 ¹⁶ Your sons will take the place of your fathers; 
       you will make them princes throughout the land.

 ¹⁷ I will perpetuate your memory through all generations; 
       therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever.

 

We are competitive—or persistent as the case may be
When a woman sees something that she wants, she will go to any lengths to get it.  To any lengths.  If you don’t believe me, head out to the stores on Black Friday—the busiest shopping day of the year in the US.  The gloves come off, the claws come out, and it’s every woman for herself.  I hide at home on that day…and most of the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  When I was a kid, Cabbage Patch Kids had just come onto the scene.  I remember seeing women on the news, clawing at one another, over a baby doll.  A child’s toy. 

If you involve a man in the competition, watch out.  I probably don’t have to go into more detail about this subject

Women also like to talk…too much.  My father is the king of trash talk.  When we were kids, we would play the game Sorry, and before the game was halfway over, I was usually frustrated.  I remember once, I was a part of a video shoot for my church, and my pastor was talking trash “to make the scene more realistic.”  Women aren’t as overt.  It is usually subtle.  “Your boyfriend is nice for you, but she probably wouldn’t think he’s too attractive.”  Of behind your back.  “Can you believe that Deneen actually thinks that…blah blah blah?” 

I can’t understand why women don’t want one another to be confident, and I don’t understand why there are so many women who want one another to fail.  I’m not talking female power, down with men, let’s go burn our bras here.  I’m just talking about truly wanting other women to marry the greatest man on earth (for her); wanting female co-workers to get the big promotion; to lost the extra ten pounds that she’s been struggling with.  But I’d be lying if I said I was imune to this.  Again…this is something that is wired into us that we need to work, HARD, to break.

But competition can be used for good as well.  Sure, we don’t play well together, but when we set our minds to something, nothing can stop us.  I had this neighbor years ago.  She and her husband moved in next door to us.  The house into which they moved was a dump.  A bunch of single men lived there for years upon years.  She worked for a few years on the house, never settling for less than she desires, and by the time they moved, her house was one of the nicer houses on the block. 

Competition isn’t always a bad thing, when used for good…

We have lots of insecurities
Women are riddled with insecurities.  If you don’t believe me, go into a bathroom in any bar on a Saturday night.  “Does my butt look ok in these jeans?”  “Oh my god, my hair looks so bad!”  Yeah, I go into the bathroom to make sure I still look put-together as well.  I am a girl and all.  I certainly want to put my best foot forward. 

The problem with insecurity is that it rubs off on those around you.  I work with someone who is horribly insecure, and just being around this person makes everyone more insecure and unsure of themselves. 

The good news
Insecurities can be overcome.  It takes work, though.  Lots of hard work.  It takes accepting yourself for who you are…and who you are not.  I know that I will never win a beauty contest, and I am okay with that.  I try to make the best of what God gave me.  I try not to compare myself to people.  Don’t go fishing for compliments to make yourself feel better.  Look in the mirror and purpose that, at this moment, you are going to like who you are, and you are going to like what you see.  Find something about yourself that you like.  If you don’t like yourself, how can you possibly expect someone else to like you?

I am by no means claiming that I am the most secure person in the world.  But I am working on it daily. 

I am a woman.  I have to give men a lot of credit.  I don’t know how you deal with women, let alone find yourselves attracted to women.  I work in an office with eight, yes eight, women.  I love all of the women with whom I work.  However, I think having that many women, with only 4 men to counterbalance the estrogen with testerone, is a recipe for disaster.

So, over the next few days, I am going to look at the positives and negatives of perceived weaknesses.

We are territorial –the insane
Women are pretty territorial.  I’ve been trying to figure out the root of this…but I’ve not been able to figure it out.  I grew up with a sister.  When we were children, I always let my sister have her way.  I am a bit of a push over, admittedly.  But since I’ve become an adult, I’ve become more territorial over the stupidest things.  Like my stapler at work.  And my pillows.  If you were to take one of my pillows, I literally couldn’t sleep.  Take away one of my five blankets, I’d chase you down.  I know, it’s irrational.  Borderline insane.  I know I’m not alone.  I may be the only one admitting it…but I know I’m not alone.

We are territorial-the good
Being territorial isn’t always a bad thing.  It is one of the qualities that makes me a good assistant.  I am a gate keeper by nature.  Don’t try to get where you don’t belong.  Don’t come in without an appointment.  Ask me for intellectual property, and I’ll stare you down like a lioness protecting her cubs.  I am loyal to the death.  Once you are in with me, it takes a pretty big breach of trust to lose my loyalty.

So, being territorial can be toxic.  But, in the correct circumstances, it can be a good thing as well.

Thank you to all who commented/engaged in the discussion about women in ministry.  This is a subject about which I am passionate.  Obviously.

I understand that there are several camps:  pro-female pastors; anti-femal pastors; pro-female pastor as long a the women dare not assume a role of authority over a male; pro-female pastor when the woman is lucky enough…ummm, I mean married to a man who is a pastor.

If I’ve stepped on your toes, I can’t honestly say that I am sorry.  I’m calling it like I see it.

Scripturally, I understand that some passages seem to lean toward have a male in the lead role in a church–in the case of the scripture I will quote, of having males in the role of elder.  Titus 1:5 says, “An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.”

But my Bible (and yours, too) also says in Galatians 3:28 that “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Which scripture is correct?  Or shall I say, which scripture has been translated more closely to the original text?  I’m not a biblical scholar (yet) but it seems that these two scriptures may be in opposition to one another.  If God does not distinguish between male and female, is it possible that elders can be women who have only been married to one man, whose children love & serve God, are not wild and disobedient?  Or does God distinguish between Jew & Greek, slaves and free, male and female?  It has to be one or the other because God is not a man that He should lie.  The Bible, being the inerrant word of God, cannot contradict itself.  So which is it?

Revelation 12:11 says, “They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”  Given that scripture, I am going to tell you why, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know that God calls women into ministry–even into a pastoral role that *gasp* may place her into a position of authority over men.

I gave my life to Jesus Christ when I was seven years old.  I cannot give you date and hour, but I remember making a firm decision for the Lord.  One night I was in my bedroom, and God spoke to me.  I saw myself preaching to large groups of people.  I knew distinctly that God was calling me to something bigger than I.  I knew that He was calling me to preach the gospel all over the globe.

Now, I was seven years old.  This was before I could read and fully comprehend the debate that was raging (and still does to this day) about female pastors.  It is something onto which I have held–heck, I’ve bet my life on it, and I will continue to do so until I meet Jesus Christ, face to face, on the day that He takes me to be home with Him.

I have to give props to the Holy Spirit as well.  No matter how far I’ve walked, nay run away from the Lord, the Holy Spirit has always been a quiet voice, urging me to walk forward with the Lord, toward the Lord, toward that He had called me to do.  I value the Holy Spirit–He is my Comforter, Wisdom.  I’ve seen Him do miraculous things in me, through me, with me.  I’ve seen Him move powerfully, gently, wonderfully in the lives of those I hold dear, those I’ve never met, me. 

Any questions, comments?  I welcome them. 

Tonight in my small group, we got to talking about women in ministry.  I have a question to post to all of those opposed to women in ministry–and to those who limit the role of a woman in ministry to women’s ministry and children’s ministry.  If you believe that women can be leaders in the church, I would love to hear from you too.

If you are a Christian, you should believe in Creationism–that God created the heavens and the earth, the animals, men and women, right?  God is a creative God.  He thought of armadillos, duck-billed platypuses, you, me, the Grand Canyon, the Pacific Ocean, dung beetles. 

Who were the people that realized that Jesus had risen, that the tomb was empty?  Who stuck it out with Jesus to the end?  While most of the disciples (ummm…the men) were hiding out, was it not the women who were walking alongside Jesus?

So why then is it that you claim that women cannot be leaders in the church?  Can God not use women?  Please do not come at me with the scripture aobut women being silent in church.  That will just prove to me that you are using scripture out of context. 

**Edit**I am interested in scriptural references.  I apologize if that was unclear.   What I do not want is scripture presented out of context. 

I know I’m late in making this observation.  But I’ll say better late than never.  And the reason that I’m commenting is because it was part of my conversation this morning at work.

The comments that were made about the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team enraged me…from the deepest place of me.  Part of me wants to live in la-la land where everyone loves one another, where racism and sexism do not exist.  But we live in a racist, sexist society.  I am glad to know that man is being fired or cut from many stations.

I am not a feminist.  Know that.  I believe in equal pay for equal work.  I’ve yet to experience that in corporations or any other companies, but that is another story.  But when I hear women referred to as “ho’s” I want to swing my fist and connect with someone’s face.  That is why I do not listen to rap music, or any music with lyrics that make women sexual objects.  If Imus is being fired for making those heinous remarks, why is America not standing up to the rappers and other “artists” who objectify women and speak of them as pieces of meat rather than women?  I smell a double standard.

I have one final question.  If NBC is firing Imus for making derogatory comments about 10 people, how can ABC  justify allowing Rosie O’Donnell to keep her job when she consistently insults our soldiers overseas and makes slanderous remarks about our government.  Any answers?

Yeah.  I feel like I have to follow up my post this morning.  Perhaps I came off as bitter?  Yesterday I got a glimpse of what life will be like in a few weeks when I am the only female in my office.  I had fun spending the day with the guys.  Except for the moments when I was treated like one of the guys.  Except for the moments when I was not.  Crazy, I know.  I can’t explain it.  OK.  I can.  Sort of.  But I feel like a dumb girl when I try to. 

Generally I’m the strong girl.  You know…the one who will carry speakers through an airport when you’re on a mission trip.  The one who girl who is allowed to walk alone, at night, through a campground, when all other females must be in a group.  When I was a kid, I split wood with my father for our fireplace.  I learned how to use a hammer, a screwdriver, a drill.  But it was not until recently that I learned how to apply makeup in an attractive way. 

So, when I find myself in those moments when I am treated like a “girl,” when I am not allowed to carry heavy boxes because my wrist is acting up, I find myself in an identity crisis.  “Why are you treating me like a girl?”  Oh.  Yeah.  I.  Yeah.  Got it.  But, when I am not treated like a girl, I wonder why I am the one who builds the bookshelf with little or no assistance.  Or why I am called upon to clean up the table.

Why am I writing this?  I am trying to flesh out what I’ve been going through.  It’s noone’s fault that I want to be treated equally yet like a girl yet not like a girl.  How can I expect others to understand what I am wrestling when I, myself, cannot wrap my head around it.

And then there is the underlying stuff that is going on.  The nerves.  The giggles.  The weirdness that comes along with the stuff.  I don’t do girly all that well.  Yet I find myself being girly.  I can’t stand the drop in IQ.  Seriously.  I hear myself saying things and I’m like, “What the heck was that?”

Now that I’ve dug myself a proper hole, I’m going to pass out.  It is way past my bedtime.

Perhaps I will not be held responsible for what I have said under the influence of exhaustion.

You know the unsettled, anticipatory theme that has been running through my writing?  This morning I woke up and it was urgent.  Don’t know what is going on…wish that God would send me the Sparks Notes of the next few days, weeks, months.

This morning I was reflecting on where I am and where I have been.  It seems that, for some reason, God has chosen me to be in male dominated fields.  This is fine with me, because, in general, women in groups of more than three (including myself) freak me out.  But, there is something about being around all men that makes me extremely conscious that I am a woman.  Sometimes this is good and affirming; at other times I feel like I am an exhibit in a glass case that occasionally is allowed to participate in the discussion, the activities and the overall “conversation,” if you understand what I am trying to say.

Today I pose a question to all of my biblical scholars.  Why is it that the church, in general, has seen fit to dig deep into some issues, topics in the Bible pertaining to women, such as the idea tha women should be silent in church, while allowing other masogynistic practices to prevail?  I apparently need to study Greek and Hebrew so that I can answer these questions for myself. 

So, chew on that.  I know I will be.  Probably for the rest of my life.

This weekend was a weekend of healing for so many…the countenance of many of the women that I know has literally changed. And for that, I thank God. It is amazing to watch Him move.