i was MADE for this

I’m sitting here trying to come up with something that is worth writing, let alone worth reading. 

Five new sales reps started at work today.  Another class of sales reps, who will be off in a few short weeks to talk to doctors.  They all seem really nice, very motivated.  Bless their hearts, they sat through about 6.5 hours of company history, different dental implants, jokes that have evolved over the past year.  It hardly seems possible that I have worked for the company for a year.  It’s been a long year and a short year, if that makes any sense.

I’m watching the democrats debate.  I always tell my mom that she needs to listen to both sides of the story…research both sides of the political spectrum.  So…I am following my own rules.

I’ll blog on the other side of the debate. 

Today we had a gentleman from “district” come to speak at our church.  He was amazing.  I loved what he had to say…really hit me between the eyes on a few different “things” that I am working through at the moment.  I love God.  But that whole dying to self thing…that isn’t always the most fun.

Speaking of dying to self.  I had a good conversation with a friend tonight.  All of my kids, my friends, are getting all growed up.  Getting engaged.  Getting married.  Getting settled.  Seeing the value of walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.  Makes the green pastures in the Valley better.  You tend to appreciate them more.

I know that I’m stretched thin with work and school, but I need to use my creativity.  I recently realized that I wasn’t using it.  And now…it’s this nagging in my mind that I cannot quiet.  I was considering buying a saxophone so that I can be musical.  But I don’t know that I have the time to invest in re-learning an instrument.  Though when I played my nephew’s sax, it was like riding a bike.

I’m strongly considering investing in a piece of art   I think I’m going to buy myself a birthday present.  Hehe…

Next week I’m going to a pig roast.  Yummy.  My friend is buying a 150 lb pig and roasting that bad boy.  I can’t wait.  What a way to end summer…and end my free time on the weekend.

Well, I should probably get some sleep.  Tomorrow I get to meet the branch manager of our San Diego office.  I love the big-eyed optimism of new employees.  It makes me feel more optimistic.

Today has been one riddled with an underlying tension.  I can’t explain it to you…but something is going on that involves me, directly affects my future, only I am not privy to the information.  Mark my words.  My life is about to change in some way.  I have that eager sense of anticipation meets someone is sitting on my chest feeling.

OK. I have a rhetorical question. Why is it that I have been asked the same questions in every interview I’ve ever had and I always trip over the same questions??????????? Heck. I used to interview people and ask these questions!

What are your career goals?
Silence.
Well, I like totally want world peace. And I want all of the little kids in Asia and Africa to have food in their stomachs. And I want the new Coach handbag. Isn’t it toooo cute?

Tell me about a bad customer interaction. How did you resolve the issue?
Silence.
Ummmm. Well…like, when I was totally working in Boston at an Asian language publisher, like we totally changed editions ’cause, like, we had to and like, uhhh…
*rolls eyes*

Tell me about a bad day at work.
Silence.
Ummmm…well…my boss once told me I’m disappointing because I forget to add a comma.
What?!?!?!??!?! Who says that?!?!?!??!!?!? That would be me.

Tell me about one of your best days at work.
Silence.
Ummmm….welll….yeah, so we ummm…

Put me in front of an official from a township, and I can talk politics, geothermal heathing in schools, how to build a church, how to eradicate hunger in Africa, endothermic chemical reactions. Put me in an interview, and I can barely remember my name.

Oh well…such is life.

Or perhaps it is because this is not the job that I am supposed to have. Yeah…how about, future seminarian, you add God to the equation. Duhhhhh.

I hope you weren’t looking for deep thoughts here.

I really wish that the newcasters would think before they report the news.

My sister and her kids are watching Frosty the Snowman and Larry Mendte from CBS News comes one. He says, “Coming up at 11. A Santa who needs practice.” There is a picture of Santa falling off of a roof.

My youngest nephew screamed. “OH NO! WHO’S GOING TO BRING US PRESENTS?!?!”

Let’s think about this, people. Kids are your primary viewers. It’s FROSTY THE SNOWMAN that we’re viewing. How do you explain that to a five-year old?

Last night I took a walk down memory lane. My oldest nephew had his first holiday concert. He’s in the choir this year.

It was really interesting to watch the kids. For some of the kids, it was their moment to shine, their one great moment that they will remember for the rest of their time on earth. For others, it was apparent that their parents forced them on stage…either to fulfill a parent’s dream of for the already looming college applications. For yet others, this was just an annoyance…they knew that this was merely one instant in their lives. They were doing it to do it, but they knew that there was much more to life.

I think that we’re doing a good job with Isaac. He joined choir because he wanted to. But, he’s already had so many shining moments that this is just one more added to his adolescence.

It was hilarious to see him attempting to sway back and forth in time. And to snap in time. I forgot what dumb things the choir teacher requires of kids to keep things “interesting.”

Isaac told me, “Neen-Neen, I saw you crying.” I told him, “Oh no, Isaac. I wasn’t crying boohoo. I was laughing so hard at you that I was crying.” But that wasn’t 100% true. I did cry emotional tears. Just like I do when I go to all of their events. I’m just so dang proud of those knucklehead kids. I love ‘em so much it hurts.

Well, I have been back in NJ for a little over 24 hours. I am still attempting to make sense of all that occured in New England. Mom and I had a lovely time. I think that, for the most part, we really enjoyed being in one another’s company. Except for those times when I became too much like my father. Then she would gently but urgently ask me to pull the car over so that she could drive.

You see…I have issues.

For instance, on Friday, we were supposed to take a train into Boston. She’s never seen the city, and I needed closure. As we were getting ready to go, she looked at me in an absolute panic and asked if I wanted to go to Gloucester, MA instead. Because it was raining, I said, “No.” I had mentally prepared myself to get on the train and face what I needed to face in Boston. She went mental on me because she was scared to death of the crowds and the train. So we compromised. We took a driving tour of MA, CT and RI. I wanted closure, instead we got a Christmas tree. It’s really pretty. A man on a Christmas tree farm cut it down for us and secured it on the roof of the minivan in the pouring rain. Good times, good times.

Changes in schedule like that freak me out. It’s not that I can’t be spontaneous. I like to do things on the spur of the moment. But, if I have my mind set on something, I fixate and it takes me a LONG time to recover my composure.

Visiting with my aunt and uncle was about as expected. We sat around, pretending that there was nothing wrong. I loaded all of my carp into the car and came home on Saturday as scheduled.

I wish that I could write a bright, cheery post about the wonders of New England. I can’t. I’m happy to have all of my clothes, shoes and calendars here, but I left MA haunted by a sense that my time there is not over. I almost called my pastor to ask why I should come home. I know that I am here in NJ for now, but there is something that must still be accomplished up north. I don’t know what it is.

That being said, I’m choosing to dwell in this moment. Instead of looking to something that is not for now, I’m enjoying now. Chruch this morning was like Christmas. Old friends came to visit the new house. And…I think that they all felt at home. How awesome is God?

My dog just punched my sister in the face. Good times at the White house. Seriously.

I’m coming clean. I did not write my essay today. Mom and I went shopping…for Christmas presents, for a winter coat for me (really pretty and RED.)

So, I lost control of the bold. Oh well.

Randomness whilst waiting for a ride to prayer. My friends are AMAZING.

Can’t wait to see what God does tonight.

OK, I am aware that I’ve changed the title to my blog several times over the past few days. I am sticking with this name. It seems to fit. And now that I’m on blogroll (I think I may possibly understand what I’m doing…) I have to stick to a name in case anyone thinks that what I am saying is interesting enough to link to their blogroll.

Why am I justifying my actions? To put off writing that statement. I admitted it. Openly, with no apologies.

Going to write now, though. Seriously. No more playing. Writing.