i was MADE for this

A question was asked today on Anne Jackson’s blog…would you die for someone’s freedom?  My answer to this question is, I believe, the root of my unsettledness.  

I remember being seven years old, sitting on the olive green wool rug in my room when I first had a dream of being a missionary.  I’ve had conversation after conversation with numerous people about this dream.  I was told that I should go to nursing school so that I’d have a reason to be on the mission field.  I’ve been told that I should teach English abroad.  I’m not a huge fan of…the *stuff* that is involved in nursing, so that advice went in one ear and out the other.  I love to write…but teaching English really isn’t something that I’ve ever been passionate about.

Recently, my awareness of the gross injustice of human trafficking, the sex trade and child slavery has become acute.   Until the past three weeks or so, I didn’t know that there was so much information.  I didn’t know the enormity of the situation.  Frankly, I didn’t think that I could do anything.

Today, though, when I read Anne’s blog, God reminded me of one of the first scriptures that was seared into my heart.  Isaiah 61:1 says:

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 
       because the LORD has anointed me 
       to preach good news to the poor. 
       He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 
       to proclaim freedom for the captives 
       and release from darkness for the prisoners

That scripture has held me together during the most difficult of times.  Until today, everytime I’ve read it, I feel like my hands are bound, like I’m living my life less than God intended me to live it.  All of a sudden, it made sense.

Another scripture that has held me afloat during the darkest, quietest times is Isaiah 49:5-7

 

5 And now the LORD says— 
       he who formed me in the womb to be his servant 
       to bring Jacob back to him 
       and gather Israel to himself, 
       for I am honored in the eyes of the LORD 
       and my God has been my strength-

 6 he says: 
       “It is too small a thing for you to be my servant 
       to restore the tribes of Jacob 
       and bring back those of Israel I have kept. 
       I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, 
       that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.”

 7 This is what the LORD says— 
       the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel— 
       to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation, 
       to the servant of rulers: 
       “Kings will see you and rise up, 
       princes will see and bow down, 
       because of the LORD, who is faithful, 
       the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.”

 

God has chosen me for something rather daunting.  I don’t know exactly where to begin…but I will type away on this laptop about human trafficking and child slavery to raise awareness until God shows me what is next. 

Lord God, let me be your hands, your feet, your servant to the women and children trapped in slavery.

The desire to start my own business is growing more and more everyday.   I’ve never really entertained the thought too seriously.  But lately, I’ve been saying it, and it is becoming more real.  I would like to start a consulting business for people who are starting new businesses.  I worked with one of my friends to open a salon; working with this company was a start-up in the US; the position I just took is with a start-up.  When I worked at the bank, my favorite thing to do was to go to the new branches to help them open.  Once I get systems established, I generally get bored and need to find something else to do.

That is part of what was happening with my current job.  The first few times we ran the training, things were tough, but new and exciting.  The last time, I worked out of my rote memory.  Today we are doing drilling.  Today we are taking impressions.  I enjoyed going to DC to help them start their training.  After we start the next two trainings, it is going to be managing what is already in process.  Some people are really great at that.  Me…not so much.  I always need new challenges.

I used to think that this was a liability.  That is probably because the people that once surrounded me were the ones who liked to manage systems already in place.  They would tell me that I had commitment issues, and I agreed because obviously there was something wrong with me.

Now…I understand that I am a planter, a builder, a pioneer.  I like that about me. 

Last night I was talking to one of my friends who is chasing her dream out in California.  She’s made some of the toughest decisions of anyone I know to get out there and stick it out.  To say that I admire her would be the understatement of the world.  She is one of those people who, just by talking to her about the most mundane things, causes some sort of change in my life.

Last night, my friend asked me a question.  Seemed so simple.  “Deneen, where do you want to be?”  I answered, without a second’s hesitation, Philadelphia.  Yeah.  I know.  Who would’ve thought?  Then we were talking about how so many of our friends are all strategically placed in California, living out their dreams.  I found myself saying, “You know what my dream is?  For all of your (all of my friends) dreams to come true.  For me, that would be my dream come true.”

I’ve been called a pillar, a backbone, superglue so many times throughout my life, and each time I laugh out loud.  I fight being those things.  They’re messy, dirty, thankless jobs.  It turns out that John Gamble, my high school principal, had it right when he gave me the “Unsung Hero” award when I was a senior. 

I don’t know where this is going to take me…but it’s the start of something.  City of Brotherly Love–watch out.  Looks like I’m here for a while.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the church.  I love the church.  After all, it is the Bride of Christ, right?  Theoretically it is supposed to be. 

I’ve worked for a few companies over the years.  In general, when there is something going awry in a company, a team of people examine what is not working and try to figure out how to make it work better.  In the business world, the goal is to create new business, many times by snatching customers from competitors.  I currently work for a dental implant company, and our CEO is obsessed with trying to snatch customers from our largest competitors.  We come up with a marketing plan, an aggressive pricing stucture, and we equip our sales reps to take over the world.  Theoretically, our great plans work and we make headway and one day, we’re the #1 company in the world. 

So, there is a problem in the church of America today.  The church is losing people.  Lots of people are leaving.  So, what are we doing to fix the leak?

I am one of those people.  I love God with my whole heart.  I love the church with my whole heart.  But when I’ve walked into churches recently, I just don’t feel connected.  To God.  Weird, right, considering that the church is where people are supposed to go to commune with God?  I know I’m not the only person with this issue. 

So, if I love God and I walk into a church and don’t feel connected to God, how must those who don’t yet love God feel when they walk into a church?

There are churches that are growing, and I think that is AWESOME.  I want to see the church grow in number daily-like the book of Acts growing in number daily.  But–if you take a close look at the growth of those churches, how many of those people have been saved from the pits of hell, and how many have left one church to attend another church? 

You see, despite all of the business models that are being applied to the church at large, the church cannot be run exactly like a business.  I love the branding that is prevalent in the church.  People love series because they have a beginning and an ending point.  I love vibrant worship.  People have short attention spans and need to be entertained somewhat.  Churches shouldn’t be snatching people from other churches.  The church’s job is to snatch people from the grubby paws of Satan

Studies (that I cannot cite because I don’t have the sources at my fingertips) show that people today consider themselves more “spiritual” than ever.  But the US is known as post-Christian.  What?  If people are more spiritual, how are we in a “post-Christian” era? 

What I am trying to say is that there is something broken in the church.  I don’t all of have the answers.  There is only One who does. 

I’m not trying to be one of those people who points out the problems without looking for a solution.  If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.  I love the church, and I want the church to be successful.  I’ve read the end of the Book.  I know that we win. 

The question that I pose is this:  How are you being a part of the solution? 

I had the pleasure of speaking with a good friend of mine over the weekend.  She recently married the man of her dreams…I’ve seen them together, and I cannot imagine her with another man.

While we were talking, she was telling me about some potential career opportunities that have come her way.  If I told you what they were, you’d probably think I was making this stuff up. 

The dilemma that she faces is that some people might not understand her decision to take the oppotunities that are put on her plate.  By some people, I mean the church.  The church has written all of these moral/social codes that they want their people to follow.  Things that cannot be found in the Bible, but codes that one must follow to be a part of the club.  I know these codes inside and out.  I used to follow these codes.  Until the day that I realized that they made me an enigma to the world.  Not in a good way.

I had a conversation with my friend in San Antonio about a college that his friend attended.  They weren’t allowed to dance, drink alcohol or watch R-rated movies.  This frustrated him.  He asked me, “Deneen, how can people who attend this school relate to people like me?  Don’t those rules make it a club?”  I was hard-pressed to answer his question.  Frankly, all I could do was agree. 

Back to my other friend.  She was seriously torn about the decision that she may have to make.  I asked her a simple question.  Who are you trying to please?  You can’t try to please the church because the rules change with the newest book or theory.  You can’t try to please people, because people turn on you quicker than you can say boo.  The only One you can see to please is God.

And let’s be honest.  Jesus wasn’t a safe guy to hang with.  How many times did He have to duck out of a gathering because someone wanted to kill him?  And let’s be honest.  He didn’t hang with the civilized.  His friends were fishermen, tax collectors and prostitutes.  If he were alive today, He’d probably be on the streets of North Camden, NJ, talking to the drug dealers and buyers.  He’d be in South Central LA, hanging with the gang members; He’d be in Africa tending to the needs of those sticken with AIDS or loving on the child soldiers, or in a container ship owned by human traffickers, healing their wounded bodies and souls. 

So, I ask you the question.  Who are you trying to please?

Thursday night marked the beginning of my favorite time of the year.  FOOTBALL SEASON.

Tomorrow…I plan on overindulging.  I am gonna park my butt in front of the TV, beginning at about 12 and watch as many hours of football as I can.  I’ll probably season my fanaticism with the US Open Final…it’s gonna be good.  And then Monday night.  MNF.  Yup.  MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL. 

As I’m writing this, I am listening to worship from a church in Riverside, CA called Sandals Church.  I recently started reading their former worship pastor’s blog.  Off the hook worship. 

I mentioned on my other blog that NewSpring Church in SC baptized 559 people today.  What?!?!  God is flipping awesome.

It is reading these things that keeps me walking forward.  I know that God has something big up His sleeve.  I just want to be a part of what He is doing.  Unapologetically.  Unabashedly.  With no regrets.  And that, my friends, is what I intend to do.

Any questions? 

I am really interested to see what God is going to do over the next few months. 

You see, I have these seasonal friends in my life.  When I am surrounded by them, I instinctively know that there is some kind of change that is either occuring or about to occur.  They are some wise women who have been in my life for over a decade…well over a decade.  When we all start communicating, I am so comforted, until I realize who is in my life again

I’ve had the sense that I was entering a transitional season in my life again…but now I see it clearly.  I am one of those people who really doesn’t mind transition.  I actually like change.  Now that I realize that I have my Ya-Ya’s, I’m feeling less antsy and more excited.  I wish that I could divulge more details.  I can’t.  Because I don’t know them yet. 

Something that I do know, that I’ve written quite a bit lately, is that I can sense God’s move in the heavenlies.  Let’s be honest.  Satan has been on overdrive lately.  If you are unaware of this, watch the news.  Read the MSN homepage.  The Good News is this:  Satan and his cronies lose.  Read the last few chapters of your Bible.  Read any of the gospels.

A clarion call is being heard throughout the land.  The battle is on.  Eternity is at stake.  Billions of people have yet to hear that Jesus loves them.  Whose side are you on?  Are you fighting, like Jesus did, for the souls of the dying?  Are you showing people the love of Jesus?  Are you being Jesus to a dying world?  Or are you getting in your own way, too fearful to smile and say hello to someone?  There are people whose are just waiting for someone to recognize that they are alive.  Are you willing to be the difference? 

I am passionate about snatching people out of the clutches of hell.  I know that it is Jesus who saves people.  Please don’t insult me by stating the obvious.  However, I want to see everyone I know in heaven.  I want to see the man who works at my local Wawa on the other side of eternity.  I want to see that crazy bus driver who gave me motion sickness on the other side of eternity.  I want to see Osama bin Laden on the other side of eternity.  I want to see everyone in my church on the other side of eternity.  (Did I say that out loud?)  It literally keeps me awake at night that there are so many people who are going to hell. 

I have a burden for people.  I have a burden for the people in the church to which God has called me to serve.  I feel a burden for the people in the community in which we worship.  I feel a burden for the people with whom I come into contact.

Lately, I have been really tired.  A lesson that I am learning is that the people of the world are not my burden.  I did not die on a cross.  God has called me to lay down my life so that I can live a life full on for Him.  Not for my desires.  Not for my needs.  Not even for the needs of the people around me.  The reason that God put me onto earth is to love Him.  In loving Him, I will love the people of my church.  I will love the people in the community.  I will love the people with whom I come into contact.  But I will not carry them, as a burden, on my shoulders.  I am learning to love without carrying the “stuff” alone with it.

I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone, but it has taken me about three weeks to get that out.

There are some transitions going on in the heavenlies.  God is preparing His people for something. Something of a great magnitude.  Something that will shake us to the core.  I don’t write this to alarm anyone, but rather to ask you to pray.  There is an intense battle going on for the Church.  We have to be very aware of the reality of heaven and hell.  Be watchful.  There are people who need to know the love of the Saviour.  If you know Him, prepare yourself daily to be His ambassador.  If you do not know Him, if you think I am some crackpot Christian spouting off, I challenge you, I dare you to ask God to reveal Himself to you. 

Lord, I pray a blessing over every person who reads this, whether intentionally or accidentally.  I pray that You reveal Your character to your children–those who walk daily with You and those who are estranged from You.  Lord, I love You, more than life.  I could not live if you did not give me the strength to awake in the morning.  Be with my friend, Lord.  Reveal Yourself.  In Jesus name, Amen.

I don’t know where to begin in trying to describe this weekend.

Whirlwind.
Busy.
Exhausting.
Exhilarating.

I think my favorite part of my 9-5 is our Saturday training sessions with the dentists.  I love being in a classroom environment.  I love learning.  I love being around people who are ambitious and who want to make themselves and ultimately the lives of others (their patients in this case) better.  I love that God has allowed me to be a part of this, and that He uses me to allow our training to run. Sure–on Friday afternoon as I was carrying stacks of papers through August-like humidity, I wasn’t the happiest person in the world.  But the end result…I love it.

Saturday night was great–dreaming, organizing.  I love to cast vision…I love to dream big dreams with friends.  What excites me is that the dreams that we discussed may just come true one day. 

Sunday.  Where to begin?  Tropical Storm Barry held off his hand until 3PMish…which was a blessing.  I have to brag on my church.  I spent a couple of hours trying to put people into places where they could serve.  Honestly, walking in, we had a lot of people and a lot of places to serve.  But God opened the door for nearly everyone…all 45 of us…to be free.  I had a group of ladies handing out food to the elderly.  I had a group of gentlemen “monitoring” a fishing contest.  I had a couple of people hanging out with kids on those big, bouncy things.  But then…I had an army of people being the church.  Popcorn was popped and walked around the picnic.  We didn’t wait for people to come to us.  We went to the people.  We gave out loads of popcorn.  Our popcorn poppers were covered in that yellow film…if you’ve ever worked a popcorn machine, you know what I’m talking about.  Nearly everyone had a smile on their face.  We ate.  We kibbitzed.  We had a blast.

I have to admit to you.  At about 11AM, I was freaking out, thinking about everything that had to be done.  At 11:45 I was wondering who killed chivarly as I walked past groups of men loitering as Colleen and I carried the popcorn maker to it’s home for a few hours.  But by 12:30PM, I was amazed by the people that God has placed in this church in this community.  And I was humbled that He allowed me to be a part of this thing.

I learned much about myself this weekend.  I pushed myself physically to the limits.  I think I pushed myself spiritually to the limits.  But I know more of who I am today than I did yesterday.  I have my glitches, but all in all, I am beginning to see the woman that God has told me I am for the past 24 years.  I am beginning to believe, with His help, that all things are truly possible.

I could write so much more.  But I won’t.  I think that this week I will combine the fruit of the Spirit stuff God started with lessons from this weekend.

Stay tuned.

And…go make someone’s day.  Be the man or woman that God created you to be.  Nothing more and nothing less.

I have a problem.  A serious problem.  This weekend, The Sanctuary, my church is doing an outreach to the community.  We’re volunteering to help the township in which we meet with their annual summer picnic.  I have to fill about 12 slots per hour for 5 hour.

Wanna know my problem?  We have 42 45 volunteers.  For a church that runs between 60 and 70 people per week on average.  So many people volunteered to be the church that day that I don’t know what to do with all of them.  God is awesome.

Funny thing.  This has been probably, decidedly one of the most difficult weeks that I have had in a long, long, long time.  I’m exhausted.  Work has been difficult.  Home has been difficult.  I feel like I’ve been walking uphill in an oxygen deprived environment. 

“Problems” like this one are the reason that I get up in the morning.  I love seeing what God is doing.  I love that God will allow me to be a part of this thing that He’s doing in NJ even though most of the time I feel more like Jonah than a disciple.  I can’t wait to see what God is going to do…tonight, tomorrow and this weekend.

But…like Chill Pastor challenged today, I’m living in this moment, today, now, not tomorrow or the next day or yesterday.